2am

Yeah, It's 2am and I'm awake, not really sure why I'm writing this post. If you read this it'll be at a decent hour, not 2am. Maybe you should stop and wait until it is 2am to read this. I think it will make a lot more sense. Ok see you in a few . . .


Ok is it 2am? Good. Geez I know that was a long time and your now so exhausted that you will probably fall asleep reading this midsenten-

Still awake? I'm so proud. Ok so all this post is going to be is a 2am confessional subtly talking about all the things I have, don't have, and want in my life. Some will make more sense than others.

Love. Isn't that always the way. A whiney girl talking about the fact that she's almost 80 (in mormon years) and not married? #mylife. It's fine though really I have lots of guys I like, that's pretty much the same thing right? Unless those guys won't give you the time of day or haven't quite noticed you exist yet. So you have two options right? Fight for said men or put all emotion and energy into work using it as the excuse for being as my friend would say 'forever alone'. (The irony is this said girl is no longer alone :))

Work. That promotion you just aren't getting, that compliment you are fishing for but won't come. That paycheck that just needs to come a few days sooner. The vacation days you never learned how to file for. That is work. But once in a while it's great.  I had a great night tonight.  I laughed and talked with coworkers.  I liked it. I didn't feel stressed.  I want more of those days. Getting there. Work is relatively good I just wish I didn't have to make mistakes to learn from them.

Friends. Guess what? I'm not a good friend. WHAT? I know you're all opposing to this crazy outlandish statement. Get it out, yell at the top of your lungs all the things you love about me.  Done? Ok I don't mean I'm not a good friend short term. That's what I'm good at. A couple months at a time but there has come a time with 90% of you that I've had my freak out. I get too close, I trust too much, one of us gets hurt and I shut down. It's my thing. 80% of you forgive me and we become semi awkward comfortable friends and the other 20% of you won't read this unless it's out of spite to find out if I'm miserable without you. I am. Sorry. I've done it to all of you even my best friend. Middle school was a rough time for our friendship but we still call each other every birthday because it wouldn't be the same if we didn't at least say hey. Love her to death!

Fiction. Tiiiiiiivaaaaaaa! Everything hurts. I'm done.

Ok I got it all out of my system and you're all asleep by this point unless you read this at a decent hour in which case you are insanely confused by at least one statement in the last 4 paragraphs. If you've made it this far you deserve something great.

Tina Fey awkwardly dancing. You're welcome

 I love you all readers! Now go to sleep, especially if it's not 2am cuz it is here and I'm doin laundry!

There's No Save Point

Ok everyone it's time for a video game analogy. Now if you are into that hippy dippy X-station PS Wii nonsense I can't really help you out, but I think it's time to go back to Super Nintendo, maybe Super Mario World.

 So in Super Mario World there is a ghost house in the very beginning of the game.  It's insanely easy especially if you have a cape because you can basically fly through the entire thing.  After you beat a ghost house you can save.  Now whenever you get a game-over, you go back to the place you were when you saved.  It's common to save when you get low on lives or after you beat a really hard level.  There are so many different routes to take though that sometimes you will save right before you start one route and if it doesn't work out you can restart and take a different one.  Herein lies my genius analogy for the evening!

Don't you sometimes wish you could go back to your last save point in life? Pick a point and say, "ok this is when things were going really good, I'll go back there and do all this stuff a little differently." I sure do. I may go back to 10th grade.  Ah yes, those were the days.  No I'm kidding that's a lie.  I hated high school.  Loved my friends, hated high school.  Maybe I'd go back to 5th grade.  When I was in 5th grade I'd pretend to be Hawk from The Famous Jet Jackson.  I was a lonely kid so there was never anyone to actually play Silverstone but I'd imagine it and it was pretty much just as good. On the playground of Westland Elementary I learned how to play by myself.  My imagination was my best friend (my real best friend was always a grade older than me).

Perhaps I'd go back to high school when all I worshipped the ground my siblings walked on.  I wanted to live their awesome cool college lives! I wanted to be just like them.  I hadn't figured out who I was yet or what I wanted to do with my life. That didn't matter yet.  Maybe it was the perfect time.  I was home, close to them; something I really miss these days.

Maybe I'd go back to Freshman year in college.  I had some amazing friends then.  My friend Rachel literally wrote me a song! Check it out here. We had epic NCIS marathons that year and my roommate Lisa once tore my bed apart and spread it out throughout the apartment complex.  Glad the RA didn't ever find that one out.  That year I grew up and learned to be away from home.  I also learned how to live off a diet of Cheese its and Toast!

Or maybe I'd go back to my senior year of college and appreciate everyone a little more.  My amazing roommates who dealt with my fears of the future telling me I could do it.  My amazing parents supporting me in everything.

Maybe I'd go back to 2 months ago before I made a mistake that is still eating at me. Maybe I'd go back to 1 hour ago before I ok-ed someone to tell me something that hurt me a lot. Maybe I'd go back to two minutes ago before I wrote that or (deleted because I knew I'd regret writing this)

Ok well the point is there are no save points in life.  You can't go back. You can't undo what is done so you either fix it or get rid of it and move on. I don't know how to deal with the current dealings of my life.  I think it will work itself out though I don't know how yet.  All I know is I wish I were an italian plumber right about now.

Oh my Soaps

I'm gonna let you all in on an Emily Landeen secret love.  This is something that I find way to much joy in.  Lets set it up.  When I'm at work sometimes there is downtime. I work for a TV station so we have TVs everywhere and they are all programmed to  channel 4.  I am therefore always watching whatever is on.  The thing is there is no sound as it would distract from what we are supposed to be doing.  Ok so I'm sitting there watching daytime TV and you know what that means . . . Soap Operas.

Watching Soap Operas without sound is the most funny thing in the world. Now I could tell you why but I'm a visual person so I'm gonna give you some screenshots and discuss this.

Ah yes the dramatics.  How much time they probably spent making sure she showed the right expression.  And what is she talking about with doctor long-hair there (who totes looks like Rumple from Once Upon a Time right?)?  Does she secretly love him even though her husband is a patient in the hospital?  You see, no theory is too far-fetched with Soap Operas.  Maybe she is pregnant with a child but falling for her OBGYN? I mean I honestly don't know but I love theorizing. Moving on!

If there is one thing I have learned about Soap Operas it is that many men take their shirts off. Now earlier in this episode he was wearing a shirt. Where did it go?  Did they write it into the story or was the director just like, oh and now he's not gonna have a shirt on.  And again that expression.  Is he worried about his sexuality? (cuz with a haircut like that he might wanna think about it) Is he hoping the lighting in the room is accenting his pectorals right? Is his girlfriend telling him she is in love with his father? Who knows. The best is still yet to come though

Ok now this guy.  This guy is a winner.  Between his Justin Bieber haircut and bad boy facial expression you know he is the torn soul of the show.  He was probably in some terrible accident that left him with those lovely bandages on his face.  But what is with the baby?  My guess is his wife had the child after his accident and no one knows who the father is.  Is it his? No way.  It's the doctor's or a teenager's? Is the mom addicted to 'the drugs'?  The fact that that child is clearly months old shows that the show couldn't budget in a newborn. That is probably literally the director's child. Also I love how he is staring into the camera in that first pic.  I mean he is giving it his all.  Good work Keifer Sutherland from Lost Boys, good work on that look.

One of my favorite things about Soaps are the outdoor scenes.  Lets put a bench and a tree in the shot.  That will make it look like it's outdoors right? Yeah absolutely except anyone watching this knows this is not outside like at all.  This is the farthest thing from outside.  It's inside.  It's on a set.  The set does not go beyond the frame we see.  That is literally all they set up. But points for effort.  Also these boys are either in love or fighting over a girl. Or both.

So try it.  It is the equivalent to reading the titles to romance novels in a bookstore.  It gives you a great laugh and because you never quite know what is going on it lets the imagination fill in so many blanks.

~TTP

Also Nathan Fillion was in a soap opera once so there is hope for everyone even bleach blonde car accident victim there.

The 20's

I was reading this article today a friend had posted on Facebook.  This article was referencing girls who were currently in college and girls who had graduated college in their 20s.  It was talking about relationships and whether girls these days should get into committed relationships while they are in and around college age.  I don't think the article in its whole represents me or my lifestyle but I did see a paragraph that really made me say "That's my life!" 

“Hypothetically, if I were to enter into a serious relationship with someone right now,” she said, “would I honestly say to them: ‘We’re going to spend two years in Philadelphia, and then with some kind of crazy luck I’m going to spend eight years somewhere else? And [who] knows what you would have been doing for the two years that we were still in Philadelphia — you either would have to up and leave with me, or we’d have to do a long-distance.’ That’s just too much to even ask anyone to commit to.”

This probably struck me a tad harder because I literally just picked up my whole life and moved across the country despite a few interests I may or may not have had in the last lovely place I lived.  There were a few times I might have been able to talk them into coming, they may have been able to talk me into staying, or the two of us might have been able to talk eachother into trying long distance crap (bet you can't tell how I feel about that one) but I just couldn't do any of those because like the girl quoted above that is just way too much pressure. No one wants to be in a relationship that could end with one or both parties saying, "I gave up everything for you and then you were more interested in your career than you were in me." That ain't cool. 

I think society is in a weird place right now. Like this article says the 20's are the time for building yourself: your career, your self respect, growing as a person.  Ok so I think I fit very well into this category. I struggle getting too committed because I worry what I might miss out on in my own life if I get too tied down. (yes this is an excuse for my current relationship status when the truth is I have a complete lack of allure and the guys I like always end up going for the leggy blondes #samreeves) I'm enjoying my 20's as a strong independent female with the entire world as a possibility as my future.  This isn't the most attractive quality for a guy ready to settle down.  How does this play out?  I think we're in a transitional period that could end with a lot of single folk.  Some people like me are so gung-ho about our careers saying love and relationships will come later but what happens when we are all 35 single with no prospects?  First of all, will that actually happen?  And second of all if it does happen is that a bad thing?

Everyone wants to be loved.  Everyone enjoys affection physical and otherwise.  It's nice to be thought about and nice to have a partner in your life who wants to spend time with you.  BUT is it really necessary?  Not in the religious 'neither the man without the woman nor the woman without the man' way just in the could you have a happy life here on earth without matrimony?

I don't have the answer to this? Just putting it into the universe. For now I do feel lucky for having an awesome job, fantastic friends, and a family willing to skype with me every Sunday.  My realy question is will it if that is all I have in 10 years will it still be enough?

Future Father's Day

I don't often post on my romantic life on this blog. Or if I do I delete it faster than wifi. I don't want to appear weak. I don't want people to view me as a person who sits around feeling sad and lonely that she doesn't have a man. I try not to be that person. I do, after all, have so many great things in my life. I have An amazing family, An awesome job, and friends that throw me into pools fully clothed because that is how much they love me.  There is no reason to take up my time or yours pondering if/when I will get married. That is not what this post is either. See yesterday was father's day. It is a day when we celebrate men. Me, being a woman and feminist, I don't often do this but yesterday was a little different for me.

Yesterday at work we covered a number number of father's day events. First we went to the aquarium where dads were free when accompanied by one other paying visitor. I went in and watched as dad's and their little girls and boys shared an ice cream, looked at fish and took pictures. We interviewed some dads about fathers day. We got a lot of answers. The dads loved their kids. They loved spending the day with their kids. Some said being a dad was the best job ever. I feel like society sometimes makes dads into the bad guys. In the media we see the comedic dad who drinks beer and messes up. We see the abusive father, the cheating husband, but this is not the real world we live in. Most Dads love spending time with their kids. They hug them and hold them and spend every moment protecting them in some form or another.

My dad has the best qualities a daughter could ask for. He is the typical dad in that he taught me how to ride a bike, how to gut a fish, how to set up a spring bar tent, how to ride a snowboard. And if that was it I would feel lucky. But he is more than that. My dad went to see the muscal Wicked with me and my sister. He sings and has brought music into my home since I was a child, doing numbers with his brothers. He helped me with my science projects, met and respected each guy I have dated, and made me breakfasts on the days I have been home from college. Most of all he has always been worthy to give me a fathers blessing. Having the priesthood in my home was more important than anything else.  So yeah when it comes to guys I am a little picky maybe. I mean, look at what they have to live up to.

So here it comes. Are you ready? I am abut to be that girl. Ok. I do want to get married. I really do. Not because I can't survive without a man or because I really want someone to hug and kiss (though that does cross my mind) but because I want my kids to celebrate fathers day. I want them to buy their dad presents and give him hugs and I want the face of pride that I saw on a lot of dads yesterday on my husbands face on that day. I want my husband to hold our baby in his arms like it is the most fragile perfect thing in the world like the guy who became a father yesterday did. We interviewed him and he could barely pull his eyes away from his little boy. I want that.

So yeah. I am being that girl for a few minutes. Don't judge me. Because dads are great and yeah so are men.

~Emily

Ps don't worry next post will be uber feminist.

Part of the Team

Well folks it has been about a month since I've arrived in Charleston, South Carolina.  What a month.  It has come with so many changes.  I've made friends, eaten southern food, OH and I saw this Turtle outside of my house today!

Ok moving on.  So I haven't talked about my job to ya'll as much as I would like to.  From the second I stepped into KSL back in my senior year of high school I knew this is what I wanted to do.  I love the adrenaline of breaking news, I love the kind of people that work in a news station.  It is basically the best.  It is also long and tiring and HOT! Not the best.  But when you combine them you get magic!

So I work for ABC News 4.  Officially it is WCIV.  I have a great group of people to work with. Today though, I had a realization.  I realized that after a few weeks of hard work I made it.  I think I've been initiated as part of the team.  Not as 'the new girl' or the young kid who doesn't know anything yet, but the girl who can do this job.  Let me explain.

Yesterday was an extremely long day.  To start I woke up at 5am to get to a shoot at 7.  The shoot went ok but I didn't get everything I needed and it got frustrating.  But oh well.  I didn't have time to worry about it.  So I went to church and then back to work.  At 11 I went out to shoot a nat pack and came back just in time to edit and make it to my next event, a Beer and Dogs event.  After that I headed 20 minutes out to a finale for a festival.  I got just enough video before heading back to the station to edit everything.  But I did it. And I even had some time to spare. To fill that time I volunteered to go to a River Dogs baseball game to shoot some highlight video.  It was after that that things got really interesting.

After shooting River Dogs it was about 7:30 and I was just about ready to call it a night when . . . Breaking news, 911 call requesting water rescue.  We got an address and I was out of there.  It was on John's Island, 30 minutes out.  I got to the scene just as police were arriving.  I immediately started shooting video.  I had only gotten about 13 shots when the family approached me and threw me off the property.  I didn't blame them, I actually had no idea I was on private property but respected their wishes and immediately left.  There was no reason to stay except to gather information.  I got a few details and headed back.  (PS that footage I got was the only footage gathered from any of the stations).

At about 9:30 I was once again finishing up and ready to head out when there was another 911 call.  This one was a fire out in Mt. Pleasant.  I headed out again and shot some video and grabbed a very quick interview.  It was about 10:15 before I left and I needed to get my video ingested and edited before the news at 11.  I got back to the station at 10:40 and quickly threw something together.  With a deep breath I looked at the time (11:00) and decided my day could officially be over.

So. The next morning I walked into the station, still a tad tired from my busy day.  The first person to approach me was Scott.  He is one of my bosses.  He told me I 'had achieved rockstar status'.  It was nice to achieve a little recognition for all the work I had done the night before.  Many people including the news director told me how much they appreciated all my work.  I even got a round of applause from the news team.  It felt really good!  But this was not the end to the craziness.

My reporter, Stacy was working on a story about an accident that occurred over the weekend.  Some firefighters and EMT workers were on scene of an accident when a drunk driver hit them head on.  it happened at 2am so we didn't have any footage but we were going to do a general story about worker safety.  We had an interview at 2:00pm and our story was going to be on the 7:00 news with a shorter story airing in the 6.  We had our work cut out for us.  While we were with the EMT workers we got an e-mail with the names and addresses of all the victims.  This made the time crunch worse because we were going to have to knock some doors to try to get an interview.  Except the EMT workers who were with us knew the EMT worker who was hit and gave us his number.  We called him and he was willing to talk to us.  We got a great interview.  So we arrived back at the station about 3:45.  Stacy quickly logged the video and I began editing.

About 5 I was all done with the VO/Sot and just waiting for the script for the package.  We were feeling prepared. But then we got copies of the dashcam footage from the scene.  It was really graphic, as in seeing people get hit head on by a car graphic.  We couldn't show some of it but there was a lot we could show.  This was the most recent stuff we had and wanted to lead with it.  So with an hour before air we had to get the footage from the disk to the drive, edit it and put together a new VO/Sot.  With minutes to air I was exporting.  But we did it.  This left an hour to edit an entire package.  I was stressing with a smile on my face.  Somehow with help from outside this world we got it done.  It turned out good too.  Take a look if you like.  I really like how it turned out. Especially considering the time crunch.

WCIV-TV | ABC News 4 - Charleston News, Sports, Weather
As stressful as it was it was the best too!  That is what this job is all about!  Deadline and killing it!  I'm having way too much fun.  I feel like I became part of the team after all this.  They like me, they know what I have to bring to the table!  It's a blast!

My New Life

Much like the actress Amanda Bynes I too have become a new person.  No I didn't shave half my head or get busted for Marijuana, that one belongs to Amanda only but I have in the last month, graduated from college, packed my life into a very small car, and moved across the country.  I then started a job, went to the beach almost a dozen times, and rapped for my ward.  My name is Emily Landeen and this is my new life.

I've got this feeling

It's the same feeling I got at Westland Elementary.  I remember we had one day towards the end of school.  It was field day.  We all got to go outside because it was finally warm.  We spent all day playing games from kickball to water balloon volleyball.  It was always one of the most anticipated days of the whole year.  There is a certain feeling you can get.  It is so tangible that you can almost smell it.  It smells like fresh air and mowed grass and joy.  It is the feeling of summer and anticipation.

When I went into middle school the feeling was the same but I got it when the middle school awards ceremonies were near.  It was less of an excitement to go play outside and more to see what awards I got that year.  I, being the smart-aleck over-acheiver I was, always came out with straight A's.  Let's face it, the 22 year old me would've beat the 14 year-old me up hard core; then taken me out for ice cream and bought myself some jeggings, taught me how to use a straightener, and explain what kissing a boy is like.  Anyway, middle school had the same feeling only with a tad more anxiety.

High School end of year time was still the same feeling only with a lot more stress.  I was yearbook editor so end of the year meant finishing everything and getting it to the printer and handing them out.  It was a big ol' deal.  By this point I definitely wouldn't say I was cool but I did have friends so end of the year meant parties, bon fires, and sleepovers.  It meant trips and camping.  It meant looking back at the tough year and saying, I did it, I survived and next year is gonna be so much better. Still it felt like hope and otter pops.

In College the feeling usually feels like finals, books, and long hours at the library.  It's not miserable though.  I loved being at the library all day.  I love making it my only priority.  I love getting to the library, neglecting my studying and watching Netflix all day.  Let's face it, that was the real finals week was like.  I love cramming until midnight the night before and waking up feeling uprepared and scared I'll fail out of college. I love when that last final is over and I get to walk away looking forward to the summer.

Today was the last day of classes, the last day of work, and the last day of ATV News.  I'm moving to South Carolina in two weeks to start a full-time job.  For at least the next five years I most likely won't be in school at all.  So that feeling was about 1000 times bigger than usual.  I've been doing this for the last 18 years of my life.  Now, I won't.  Now I start a new chapter.  Now I go on another adventure.  I'm gonna highlight some people in the next few posts.  People who have changed my life.  Without them, I wouldn't be who I am.  You already know who you are.  You are the ones that made me want something more than just happiness.  You wanted me to reach for the best, to be better, and to love more than I thought I could.

Until then, I'm going to hold onto this feeling.  The one that says, "Go out and play before the world comes crashing down, because it's field day, and you need a day off"

~Emily

Big News! I'm Growing Up!

There comes a time in everyone's life that they have to grow up.  Even Christopher Robin left the hundred acre woods eventually right? The Green Power Ranger eventually grew up and taught school, reprising his role in Power Rangers like 8 years later, fun fact.  And just as they grew up I get to take the next step in my life.  Are you ready?  Are you sure?  Ok . . .

I have been offered and accepted a job at WCIV Charleston, South Carolina.  It's a ABC affiliate television station.  I will be a full time Videographer for them.

There it is.  I'm moving across the country.  I move in two weeks.  I'm going to a place that I've never been, know no one, and is about 200% more humid than Utah.  Ok you can say it, I'm crazy.

The Fear
Am I freaking out?  About every third minute.  It'll hit me, the reality of the situation.  I'm going to be further away from my family and friends than I've ever been in my life.  This is my first job and I will have to really throw myself into it.  I don't have a place to live yet and have to move in about two weeks.  Yeah.  How can I do this!?  I might not be able to get home for Christmas.  It could be a while before I am back in Utah at all!  I have lived here my whole life.  I have never lived further away from home than Logan, Utah.  I have never had a full time job.  I have never lived in a sauna before.  Ok now that I've officially freaked you all out and you are sincerely worried about my safety let's move on.

The Fun
It's always been a dream of mine to have the courage to go out to somewhere completely new and immerse myself in my atmosphere.  Looks like fate listened.  When I initially applied for this job I thought it was a long shot.  Who's gonna hire a Photog straight out of college and help them move across the country.  But I applied because I was keeping expectations low.  I tweeted the chief Photog (basically the boss) and he gave me his e-mail.  I bugged and bugged him until he called me.  We interviewed, he called my great references, and two days ago I was offered a job.  The Chief Photog Dave MacQueen is an insanely nice guy.  He was willing to do whatever I needed to help me move out.  He said he could look for apartments for me, put me in contact with people, he made it very clear that I was valuable.  When I told my teacher, Brian Champagne, he was stoked.  My whole department was stoked. They have already been giving me contacts they know.  My roommates have been insanely supportive, jumping up and down with me and giving me hugs through the anxiety and waiting.  One not-roommate but boyfriend-of-roommate has visited Charleston and was one of the first people who made me want to live there, telling me how amazing it is.  It is a gorgeous city, right next to the coast. I'll be leaving the mountains but I'll send you all pictures of the beach.  Yeah. I've already looked up where churches are located and been working on getting in contact with potential Bishops.

Help!
Here's where you come in dear readers, friends, family etc.  For one: make sure you miss me a lot.  I will miss all of you I promise!  Skype and Facetime are definitely welcome.  Two: visit.  Um . . . now you have a reason to come to the east coast.  I'm doing you a huge favor here.  Most importantly, I need your help.  If you know anyone in Charleston, South Carolina.  I could use contacts.  If they are LDS it would be especially helpful.  Once I find housing life gets a little less stressful.

In any case, I'm moving.  I will be gone a week or two after graduation and be living and working in Charleston.  Wish me luck and give me lots of hugs and prayers.  I'll do a whole post about everyone who has influenced my life, especially at USU but thanks.  Thanks for eating cheeze its with me and taking long drives out to Tremonton, and taking me fly fishing.  I owe you!  Love you all!

~Emily Katrina Landeen.

Muddy Buddies v. Men

The other night I was sitting at home with my roommate and we decided to have a night in.  Ok ok scratch that.  It was a Friday night and neither of us had dates.  We were forced into staying in so we decided to make the most of it.  Dominos and a movie seemed sufficient.  We discussed if there were snacks to be had during this movie and it both hit us like a double-decker bus: Muddy Buddies!  Chocolatey Peanut Buttery goodness that take like 15 minutes to make but satisfy you for a lifetime!  Our game plan was sound.  Hit Lees to pick up ingredients and order pizza over the phone so we could pick it up on the way to the Hastings to get the movie.  Under an hour and we were all set.

 So we made these Muddy Buddies while discussing the pathetic-ness of our lives as single students.  But as we sat down to watch this amazing movie (Flipped, rated PG I give it 3.5 stars.  A bit cheesy but great life lessons) I thought about how much better Muddy Buddies are than an actual man.  Now I'm not going to made a Ven-diagram or T chart as much as I'd like to.  I am simply going to explain that night with Muddy Buddies and you can draw your own conclusions.

When we were all ready and in our Cozy Wozies as I like to call them we grabbed our blankets and got ready to start the movie.  Knowing I was all set I went to the kitchen and got my muddy buddies out of the fridge.  Bringing them into the front room we settled down onto the couch.  They of course didn't mind that I needed to move around a bit to get comfortable. It took a few minutes until I found the right position but then I was comfortably watching the movie.

Now Muddy Buddies are sweet and delicious.  However there was a point when I had enough and wanted to put them to the side and simply watch the movie.  I needed to stretch out and wanted some personal space.  It wasn't that I didn't like the Muddy Buddies it was just that I had had enough . . .for now.  So I put them on the table and guess what?  They didn't take offense or try to come back they were just content to sit and wait until I was ready for more, which eventually I WAS!

At the end of the night I was tired and full.  I had enough Muddy Buddies for one night and was ready to say goodbye.  Rather than overstaying their welcome they simply let me put them in the fridge knowing that I would come back if/when I wanted some more.  I got to go to bed when I wanted and everyone was happy.    There was no definite commitment that I would want to share another occasion with my delicious treat we just lived in the moment and enjoyed the sweetness of life.

Now I know your rebuttal here:
-You are just sad that you don't have a sexy Hugh Jackman in your life.
-You are scared of commitment and need to learn to share your life.
-Give someone else your attention, it's not all about you.
-You got to eat a tasty treat but did you get to make out with a hot man that night?

To all this I respond: What are you talking about, I just like Muddy Buddies!

A Fresh Start

You know what sucks?  A lot of things actually.  Let's list a few just to be on the safe side.

-Being Sick
-Breaking up
-Getting behind in school
-Crying
-The Cold

Ok, now just so you all don't think I'm a crazy pessimist (sp?) let's list some good things:

-Sunshine
-Laughing
-Hot shirtless superheroes
-Fruit
-Addicting Music
-Posters of cats dressed up as the seven dwarves 

Ok, so now that I think I've balanced my life out a little, let me explain.  That first list is the consistence of my existence in the last four weeks.  (I'm not sure if I used consistence right here?  I've been out of skool 4 a wile).  Now I know what you are thinking:  Emily if you didn't want to be cold you shouldn't have gone to school in Logan, if you didn't want to get mono you shouldn't have been kissing that random hobo, and if you don't want to break up learn to be a healthy adult who doesn't run away from emotional connections.  Geez stop nagging me already, can I at least get a chance to defend myself?

It started back right after Christmas.  I was working approximately 40 hours a week at this lovely little TV station called KSL.  You might have heard of it.  Yeah I'm just going to let you soak that up for a sec, just like I soaked up all the germs in that lovely office.  Now, I love that place with my whole heart but it is a freakin incubator for germs.  I was using a different persons equipment every day, using the phones, the GPS, the cameras (once again I'm boasting for dramatic emphasis), their wireless microphones, their sweet light kits, you know all that snazziness.  So one day I was not feeling so good but you know it's flu season so I don't really think to much of it.  Suddenly I am freakishly tired like every day.  For a person who prides herself on all night marathons this was a bit off. But, hey I was working a ton so maybe it's just that.  My eyes are also insanely swollen.  I looked like I got pepper sprayed.  But hey I sleep so much maybe it's just a bad combination of work and sleep.  I push through it working as much as I possibly can.  Finally I resign to that evil man in a lab coat they call a "doctor".  Two eye infections.  Gee thanks.  Still I'm exhausted.  My eyes unswell a bit but not back to normal.  I look like an old man.  You know how as they age the bottom lids of their eyes start puffing out.  Well that was Emily Landeen to a tee.  It was disgusting.   So fine I will go to another doctor.  After explaining all the symptoms I was told I had a sinus infection.  Ok bring it on.  Sure.  What the heck.  So I got new antibiotics and was sent home.

So I moved up to school feeling pretty disgusting but with hope that I may start feeling better.  Guess what? I didn't. No, in fact I felt worse.  I woke up the first day of school wanting to kill myself.  I made it to class, barely, then was sent home.  So I figure ya know what?  These doctors are getting paid for something, let's go wait an hour an a half in the InstaCare.  Yeah that sounds like a great use of my time.  I watched an episode and a half of "Switched at Birth" in the waiting room and I'm sorry but just not my type of show.  I mean it's ABC Family to start and I just do not see the appeal.  Ok back to my sicky state.  So finally these doctors were going to do some tests.  We did strep first then Mono.  And sure enough it was Mono!  Now upon first glance I was almost, how to say this appropriately, excited?  Mono is kinda a famous one.  Like, you get to sleep all the time, and you get a cool rep because it means you've been kissing, I was feeling kinda cool.  Bonus: They gave me a pink bandage from where they took the blood; always a plus.  So I got home, found a very kind person who drove to my house to give me a blessing and gave me some company.  Who knew it would be the only real company I would have for the next three weeks.  I've been soakin in for all it's worth.  I went to bed after e-mailing all my teachers and the next morning was Hell.

Now I have my own vision but I'll let you pick your own.  Imagine the worst torture scene you've ever seen in a movie (or in real life for all my Navy SEAL followers), it was worse.  I felt like someone had reached down my throat with a syringe and filled my tonsils to their limit with acid.  That's as descriptive as I'm gettin.  I couldn't move, I couldn't eat, I didn't even know what day it was.  Finally after a few days (I honestly couldn't tell you when) my lovely mother and brother picked me up.  I wasn't gettin any better at school and had completely lost track of when I last took drugs.  If the pain came I'd pop 4 more painkillers.  I got home and slept.  That's pretty much it, I just slept.  I dreamed about Narnia and Middle Earth, part of me still believes I was actually there for a time.  I would wake up, drink some food and go back to sleep.  This was my life for a week.  Then slowly I could move.  I could make it from my room, to the front room without taking a break half way.  I was healed!  I hurriedly grabbed my stuff and moved back to school!  Fun fact about Mono, just because your tonsils aren't twice their normal size and you can open your eyes doesn't mean your better. I went to one day of work and classes and I was back down.

Long story short I'm still here.  Still sick.  Still hating every second of my existence.  Ok that is untrue.  I am inside all the time.  I've made it to two classes this semester.  My teachers are great though and next week I should be back at 100%.  Let me make two more comments and then I'll get to my point I promise.

During this first round of Mono I didn't know what I had.  I was tired all the time.  That was about it.  New Years Eve was a bust, I fell asleep at 6:30pm.  Now I'm not going to get into my relationship and the break up but I'll say that Mono didn't help.  When you are trying to be a good employee, a good sister, a good daughter, and a good girlfriend and you get that sick, the things that can break usually do.  I'm not saying it wasn't right or that it wouldn't have happened if I was as healthy as a (name of animal that is healthy here) but Mono definitely didn't help.  Also I came back to school and it was so dang cold!  What the heck?  It is seriously like -13 degrees all the time.  So hating my life on that account too.  Ok so if you are still reading this (and I don't know why you would be, it's like the most depressing post ever) let's talk about me now, the post mono, single, person writing this post when I should be still recovering and sleeping.

I feel like this Mono thing changed me in a lot of ways.  I don't just mean my appetite (I don't like Cheeze-its anymore, it's a sad day) but a lot of things have changed. I think I appreciate simple things like walking, and talking, and opening my eyes.  When you lose things and feel like you are going to die, you start to count your blessings.  You realize the people in your life that are going to be there for you no matter what.  You know who you can rely on to help you out and who is ultimately going to leave you in your darkest hour.  Some amazing angels heart-attacked my door at college.  I didn't even realize they were thinking of me.  My roommates checked up on me, my mom babied me and nursed me back to health.  My wonderful sisters knew I couldn't hardly talk so they would IM me on facebook when they wanted to chat.  People prayed for me and called to check up.  I felt the love of pretty much everyone.  It was amazing.  I really want to live every day trying to be a better person.  I want to learn how to be more healthy, physically and emotionally.  I want to understand my wants and needs better.  I'm excited to do this.  I want to care for others the way I have been cared for in the last few weeks.  I want to do service!  I have a lot of work to do but I hope to do it healthy and Mono free.  I made two lists at the beginning of this post.  One was all the crappy terrible things that had happened to me in the last week. The second is all the fun happy things I've experienced in the last few days.  The good is always better than the bad.

My life is better than yours

As a new year begins I like to think about everything I've accomplished over the years.  I am only 22 years old so that isn't very much but I like to think there are a few things that I can be proud of whether I've done them myself or they have just happened.  Growing up isn't easy.  The moment I realized I couldn't sit on the couch playing video games and watching Justin Bieber music videos forever was indeed a sad day.  It occured in the future actually.  Probably sometime in the summer of 2013.  As for where I am right at this moment, well I am doing ok but I realize I have a lot of work to do.  Anyway Here is a short sweet list of 22 accomplishments of the last 22 years of my life.

22) Was born nuf-said.

21) Was alive for the gloriousness that was N'sync, One Direction: Suck it.

20) Got a free cupcake for being the one millionth customer at a pizza shop in Disney world.

19) Met some of the cast of Harry Potter, LOTR, Star Wars, and X-men

18) Believed in a lie about my wonderful Cat, "Shadow" for 16 years.  Yeah 'went to a nice farmer' my eye.

17) Flirted with a hot brown boy on the beach while on a get-a-way in San Diego.  That. Happened.

16) Read Pride and Prejudice

15) Fell in Love

14) Got my heart brutally broken (Do those cancel each-other out?)

13) Found Woman Empowerment through Songs by Florence + The Machine and things created by Joss Whedon

12) Completed 8th grade

11) Watched 5 seasons of the Office during one summer, consuming waaay too many Otter Pops with my Brother.

10) Memorized every great sexual tension moment between 'Tiva'.

9) Made a three and a half hour love montage which I have watched over a dozen times.

8) Held one of those huge checks with the number $5000 on it.  It was for . . . . My school but they got it because of me.

7) Caught 7 fish on one fishing trip when I was 7 years old

6) Consumed 10 boxes of Cheese-It Duos in less than a week.

5) Memorized the lyrics to Super Bass.  Not. Easy

4) Beat the entire Lion King game on Super Nintendo.

3) Worked for KSL TV News (Including flying in a Helicopter, small airplane, getting high off Marijuana (don't ask))

2) Over my four years at college I've made some amazing friends who I wouldn't trade for anything!  Unless you offer me Hugh Jackman . . . uhduh.

1) If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. - Mother Teresa
 . . . . Let's face it anything I put here was going to sound inadequate

It hasn't been easy. There has been blood, sweat, tears, bruises, fights, puke, hugs, cancer, the Holocaust, and that's just number 12.  So let's face it, I'm not far from being perfect.  A day, or two, maybe three.  If I don't show up one of these days it just means I have been translated.  I have some work to do but I like who I am.  I like what I've done with my life so far and I'm excited to look towards the future