A Fresh Start

You know what sucks?  A lot of things actually.  Let's list a few just to be on the safe side.

-Being Sick
-Breaking up
-Getting behind in school
-Crying
-The Cold

Ok, now just so you all don't think I'm a crazy pessimist (sp?) let's list some good things:

-Sunshine
-Laughing
-Hot shirtless superheroes
-Fruit
-Addicting Music
-Posters of cats dressed up as the seven dwarves 

Ok, so now that I think I've balanced my life out a little, let me explain.  That first list is the consistence of my existence in the last four weeks.  (I'm not sure if I used consistence right here?  I've been out of skool 4 a wile).  Now I know what you are thinking:  Emily if you didn't want to be cold you shouldn't have gone to school in Logan, if you didn't want to get mono you shouldn't have been kissing that random hobo, and if you don't want to break up learn to be a healthy adult who doesn't run away from emotional connections.  Geez stop nagging me already, can I at least get a chance to defend myself?

It started back right after Christmas.  I was working approximately 40 hours a week at this lovely little TV station called KSL.  You might have heard of it.  Yeah I'm just going to let you soak that up for a sec, just like I soaked up all the germs in that lovely office.  Now, I love that place with my whole heart but it is a freakin incubator for germs.  I was using a different persons equipment every day, using the phones, the GPS, the cameras (once again I'm boasting for dramatic emphasis), their wireless microphones, their sweet light kits, you know all that snazziness.  So one day I was not feeling so good but you know it's flu season so I don't really think to much of it.  Suddenly I am freakishly tired like every day.  For a person who prides herself on all night marathons this was a bit off. But, hey I was working a ton so maybe it's just that.  My eyes are also insanely swollen.  I looked like I got pepper sprayed.  But hey I sleep so much maybe it's just a bad combination of work and sleep.  I push through it working as much as I possibly can.  Finally I resign to that evil man in a lab coat they call a "doctor".  Two eye infections.  Gee thanks.  Still I'm exhausted.  My eyes unswell a bit but not back to normal.  I look like an old man.  You know how as they age the bottom lids of their eyes start puffing out.  Well that was Emily Landeen to a tee.  It was disgusting.   So fine I will go to another doctor.  After explaining all the symptoms I was told I had a sinus infection.  Ok bring it on.  Sure.  What the heck.  So I got new antibiotics and was sent home.

So I moved up to school feeling pretty disgusting but with hope that I may start feeling better.  Guess what? I didn't. No, in fact I felt worse.  I woke up the first day of school wanting to kill myself.  I made it to class, barely, then was sent home.  So I figure ya know what?  These doctors are getting paid for something, let's go wait an hour an a half in the InstaCare.  Yeah that sounds like a great use of my time.  I watched an episode and a half of "Switched at Birth" in the waiting room and I'm sorry but just not my type of show.  I mean it's ABC Family to start and I just do not see the appeal.  Ok back to my sicky state.  So finally these doctors were going to do some tests.  We did strep first then Mono.  And sure enough it was Mono!  Now upon first glance I was almost, how to say this appropriately, excited?  Mono is kinda a famous one.  Like, you get to sleep all the time, and you get a cool rep because it means you've been kissing, I was feeling kinda cool.  Bonus: They gave me a pink bandage from where they took the blood; always a plus.  So I got home, found a very kind person who drove to my house to give me a blessing and gave me some company.  Who knew it would be the only real company I would have for the next three weeks.  I've been soakin in for all it's worth.  I went to bed after e-mailing all my teachers and the next morning was Hell.

Now I have my own vision but I'll let you pick your own.  Imagine the worst torture scene you've ever seen in a movie (or in real life for all my Navy SEAL followers), it was worse.  I felt like someone had reached down my throat with a syringe and filled my tonsils to their limit with acid.  That's as descriptive as I'm gettin.  I couldn't move, I couldn't eat, I didn't even know what day it was.  Finally after a few days (I honestly couldn't tell you when) my lovely mother and brother picked me up.  I wasn't gettin any better at school and had completely lost track of when I last took drugs.  If the pain came I'd pop 4 more painkillers.  I got home and slept.  That's pretty much it, I just slept.  I dreamed about Narnia and Middle Earth, part of me still believes I was actually there for a time.  I would wake up, drink some food and go back to sleep.  This was my life for a week.  Then slowly I could move.  I could make it from my room, to the front room without taking a break half way.  I was healed!  I hurriedly grabbed my stuff and moved back to school!  Fun fact about Mono, just because your tonsils aren't twice their normal size and you can open your eyes doesn't mean your better. I went to one day of work and classes and I was back down.

Long story short I'm still here.  Still sick.  Still hating every second of my existence.  Ok that is untrue.  I am inside all the time.  I've made it to two classes this semester.  My teachers are great though and next week I should be back at 100%.  Let me make two more comments and then I'll get to my point I promise.

During this first round of Mono I didn't know what I had.  I was tired all the time.  That was about it.  New Years Eve was a bust, I fell asleep at 6:30pm.  Now I'm not going to get into my relationship and the break up but I'll say that Mono didn't help.  When you are trying to be a good employee, a good sister, a good daughter, and a good girlfriend and you get that sick, the things that can break usually do.  I'm not saying it wasn't right or that it wouldn't have happened if I was as healthy as a (name of animal that is healthy here) but Mono definitely didn't help.  Also I came back to school and it was so dang cold!  What the heck?  It is seriously like -13 degrees all the time.  So hating my life on that account too.  Ok so if you are still reading this (and I don't know why you would be, it's like the most depressing post ever) let's talk about me now, the post mono, single, person writing this post when I should be still recovering and sleeping.

I feel like this Mono thing changed me in a lot of ways.  I don't just mean my appetite (I don't like Cheeze-its anymore, it's a sad day) but a lot of things have changed. I think I appreciate simple things like walking, and talking, and opening my eyes.  When you lose things and feel like you are going to die, you start to count your blessings.  You realize the people in your life that are going to be there for you no matter what.  You know who you can rely on to help you out and who is ultimately going to leave you in your darkest hour.  Some amazing angels heart-attacked my door at college.  I didn't even realize they were thinking of me.  My roommates checked up on me, my mom babied me and nursed me back to health.  My wonderful sisters knew I couldn't hardly talk so they would IM me on facebook when they wanted to chat.  People prayed for me and called to check up.  I felt the love of pretty much everyone.  It was amazing.  I really want to live every day trying to be a better person.  I want to learn how to be more healthy, physically and emotionally.  I want to understand my wants and needs better.  I'm excited to do this.  I want to care for others the way I have been cared for in the last few weeks.  I want to do service!  I have a lot of work to do but I hope to do it healthy and Mono free.  I made two lists at the beginning of this post.  One was all the crappy terrible things that had happened to me in the last week. The second is all the fun happy things I've experienced in the last few days.  The good is always better than the bad.

My life is better than yours

As a new year begins I like to think about everything I've accomplished over the years.  I am only 22 years old so that isn't very much but I like to think there are a few things that I can be proud of whether I've done them myself or they have just happened.  Growing up isn't easy.  The moment I realized I couldn't sit on the couch playing video games and watching Justin Bieber music videos forever was indeed a sad day.  It occured in the future actually.  Probably sometime in the summer of 2013.  As for where I am right at this moment, well I am doing ok but I realize I have a lot of work to do.  Anyway Here is a short sweet list of 22 accomplishments of the last 22 years of my life.

22) Was born nuf-said.

21) Was alive for the gloriousness that was N'sync, One Direction: Suck it.

20) Got a free cupcake for being the one millionth customer at a pizza shop in Disney world.

19) Met some of the cast of Harry Potter, LOTR, Star Wars, and X-men

18) Believed in a lie about my wonderful Cat, "Shadow" for 16 years.  Yeah 'went to a nice farmer' my eye.

17) Flirted with a hot brown boy on the beach while on a get-a-way in San Diego.  That. Happened.

16) Read Pride and Prejudice

15) Fell in Love

14) Got my heart brutally broken (Do those cancel each-other out?)

13) Found Woman Empowerment through Songs by Florence + The Machine and things created by Joss Whedon

12) Completed 8th grade

11) Watched 5 seasons of the Office during one summer, consuming waaay too many Otter Pops with my Brother.

10) Memorized every great sexual tension moment between 'Tiva'.

9) Made a three and a half hour love montage which I have watched over a dozen times.

8) Held one of those huge checks with the number $5000 on it.  It was for . . . . My school but they got it because of me.

7) Caught 7 fish on one fishing trip when I was 7 years old

6) Consumed 10 boxes of Cheese-It Duos in less than a week.

5) Memorized the lyrics to Super Bass.  Not. Easy

4) Beat the entire Lion King game on Super Nintendo.

3) Worked for KSL TV News (Including flying in a Helicopter, small airplane, getting high off Marijuana (don't ask))

2) Over my four years at college I've made some amazing friends who I wouldn't trade for anything!  Unless you offer me Hugh Jackman . . . uhduh.

1) If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. - Mother Teresa
 . . . . Let's face it anything I put here was going to sound inadequate

It hasn't been easy. There has been blood, sweat, tears, bruises, fights, puke, hugs, cancer, the Holocaust, and that's just number 12.  So let's face it, I'm not far from being perfect.  A day, or two, maybe three.  If I don't show up one of these days it just means I have been translated.  I have some work to do but I like who I am.  I like what I've done with my life so far and I'm excited to look towards the future