2 Completely Different Lives

Two thousand one hundred and eighty-two miles. It seems and looks like quite a long way but in the words of Annie James, "Sometimes it feels much further". Those two thousand miles is what separate me from my home in Utah. I took the six hour flight last week to see my family and friends. I left South Carolina feeling older, excited to show how much I had grown up. I had expectations. But now as I reflect on that trip a week after getting back to Charleston, I realize something: I haven't changed at all.

Ok now I don't mean I haven't changed at all because I have. If you talked to me in college before I left then flew out here and talked to me you would see two very different people. My experiences have made me grow. My mistakes have strengthened me, made me made me harder, less penetrable. But what I realized when I went home was that the environment I left and walked back into was the exact same and therefore I turned back into the person I was. Heck, I could hardly tell anyone anything about Charleston because I was so far removed from the environment.

Those two worlds rarely overlap. The people I see and the things I do in each place don't have much to do with each other so I don't force it. As I returned to Charleston the switch I flipped was almost tangible. I flew down over the Cooper River and the people who were texting me were different, the home I returned to was different, my week was suddenly full of different problems and concerns that had nothing to do with Utah. I've hardly talked about my trip to anyone here in Charleston because let's face it, they don't care. It's a world they don't know anything about.

Part of this makes me sad because if I had the opportunity to share both worlds with someone it would make transitions smoother. I could talk about both worlds with someone who understands, who wants to hear about it. But I've been working on something lately. I want to work on living in the present. When I have expectations I am usually disappointed. What I hate the most is when plans are made. Big awesome beautiful plans that give you the happiest feelings in the world. Then those plans are suddenly cancelled. It makes me wish the plans weren't made at all. I can't be disappointed if I don't have expectations. I dunno, just a random tangent.

Anywho, so it really isn't bad to have two separate lives. I can have the part of me that is here in Charleston, and the part of me that lives in Utah. Both places are great, both have people who care about me and have struggles but both are who I am now.  I think what scared me was going home and feeling like I wasn't different. Like I had to be pulled back, but I don't. I grow, I'm different now. For better and worse, I am different.

2am

Yeah, It's 2am and I'm awake, not really sure why I'm writing this post. If you read this it'll be at a decent hour, not 2am. Maybe you should stop and wait until it is 2am to read this. I think it will make a lot more sense. Ok see you in a few . . .


Ok is it 2am? Good. Geez I know that was a long time and your now so exhausted that you will probably fall asleep reading this midsenten-

Still awake? I'm so proud. Ok so all this post is going to be is a 2am confessional subtly talking about all the things I have, don't have, and want in my life. Some will make more sense than others.

Love. Isn't that always the way. A whiney girl talking about the fact that she's almost 80 (in mormon years) and not married? #mylife. It's fine though really I have lots of guys I like, that's pretty much the same thing right? Unless those guys won't give you the time of day or haven't quite noticed you exist yet. So you have two options right? Fight for said men or put all emotion and energy into work using it as the excuse for being as my friend would say 'forever alone'. (The irony is this said girl is no longer alone :))

Work. That promotion you just aren't getting, that compliment you are fishing for but won't come. That paycheck that just needs to come a few days sooner. The vacation days you never learned how to file for. That is work. But once in a while it's great.  I had a great night tonight.  I laughed and talked with coworkers.  I liked it. I didn't feel stressed.  I want more of those days. Getting there. Work is relatively good I just wish I didn't have to make mistakes to learn from them.

Friends. Guess what? I'm not a good friend. WHAT? I know you're all opposing to this crazy outlandish statement. Get it out, yell at the top of your lungs all the things you love about me.  Done? Ok I don't mean I'm not a good friend short term. That's what I'm good at. A couple months at a time but there has come a time with 90% of you that I've had my freak out. I get too close, I trust too much, one of us gets hurt and I shut down. It's my thing. 80% of you forgive me and we become semi awkward comfortable friends and the other 20% of you won't read this unless it's out of spite to find out if I'm miserable without you. I am. Sorry. I've done it to all of you even my best friend. Middle school was a rough time for our friendship but we still call each other every birthday because it wouldn't be the same if we didn't at least say hey. Love her to death!

Fiction. Tiiiiiiivaaaaaaa! Everything hurts. I'm done.

Ok I got it all out of my system and you're all asleep by this point unless you read this at a decent hour in which case you are insanely confused by at least one statement in the last 4 paragraphs. If you've made it this far you deserve something great.

Tina Fey awkwardly dancing. You're welcome

 I love you all readers! Now go to sleep, especially if it's not 2am cuz it is here and I'm doin laundry!

There's No Save Point

Ok everyone it's time for a video game analogy. Now if you are into that hippy dippy X-station PS Wii nonsense I can't really help you out, but I think it's time to go back to Super Nintendo, maybe Super Mario World.

 So in Super Mario World there is a ghost house in the very beginning of the game.  It's insanely easy especially if you have a cape because you can basically fly through the entire thing.  After you beat a ghost house you can save.  Now whenever you get a game-over, you go back to the place you were when you saved.  It's common to save when you get low on lives or after you beat a really hard level.  There are so many different routes to take though that sometimes you will save right before you start one route and if it doesn't work out you can restart and take a different one.  Herein lies my genius analogy for the evening!

Don't you sometimes wish you could go back to your last save point in life? Pick a point and say, "ok this is when things were going really good, I'll go back there and do all this stuff a little differently." I sure do. I may go back to 10th grade.  Ah yes, those were the days.  No I'm kidding that's a lie.  I hated high school.  Loved my friends, hated high school.  Maybe I'd go back to 5th grade.  When I was in 5th grade I'd pretend to be Hawk from The Famous Jet Jackson.  I was a lonely kid so there was never anyone to actually play Silverstone but I'd imagine it and it was pretty much just as good. On the playground of Westland Elementary I learned how to play by myself.  My imagination was my best friend (my real best friend was always a grade older than me).

Perhaps I'd go back to high school when all I worshipped the ground my siblings walked on.  I wanted to live their awesome cool college lives! I wanted to be just like them.  I hadn't figured out who I was yet or what I wanted to do with my life. That didn't matter yet.  Maybe it was the perfect time.  I was home, close to them; something I really miss these days.

Maybe I'd go back to Freshman year in college.  I had some amazing friends then.  My friend Rachel literally wrote me a song! Check it out here. We had epic NCIS marathons that year and my roommate Lisa once tore my bed apart and spread it out throughout the apartment complex.  Glad the RA didn't ever find that one out.  That year I grew up and learned to be away from home.  I also learned how to live off a diet of Cheese its and Toast!

Or maybe I'd go back to my senior year of college and appreciate everyone a little more.  My amazing roommates who dealt with my fears of the future telling me I could do it.  My amazing parents supporting me in everything.

Maybe I'd go back to 2 months ago before I made a mistake that is still eating at me. Maybe I'd go back to 1 hour ago before I ok-ed someone to tell me something that hurt me a lot. Maybe I'd go back to two minutes ago before I wrote that or (deleted because I knew I'd regret writing this)

Ok well the point is there are no save points in life.  You can't go back. You can't undo what is done so you either fix it or get rid of it and move on. I don't know how to deal with the current dealings of my life.  I think it will work itself out though I don't know how yet.  All I know is I wish I were an italian plumber right about now.

Oh my Soaps

I'm gonna let you all in on an Emily Landeen secret love.  This is something that I find way to much joy in.  Lets set it up.  When I'm at work sometimes there is downtime. I work for a TV station so we have TVs everywhere and they are all programmed to  channel 4.  I am therefore always watching whatever is on.  The thing is there is no sound as it would distract from what we are supposed to be doing.  Ok so I'm sitting there watching daytime TV and you know what that means . . . Soap Operas.

Watching Soap Operas without sound is the most funny thing in the world. Now I could tell you why but I'm a visual person so I'm gonna give you some screenshots and discuss this.

Ah yes the dramatics.  How much time they probably spent making sure she showed the right expression.  And what is she talking about with doctor long-hair there (who totes looks like Rumple from Once Upon a Time right?)?  Does she secretly love him even though her husband is a patient in the hospital?  You see, no theory is too far-fetched with Soap Operas.  Maybe she is pregnant with a child but falling for her OBGYN? I mean I honestly don't know but I love theorizing. Moving on!

If there is one thing I have learned about Soap Operas it is that many men take their shirts off. Now earlier in this episode he was wearing a shirt. Where did it go?  Did they write it into the story or was the director just like, oh and now he's not gonna have a shirt on.  And again that expression.  Is he worried about his sexuality? (cuz with a haircut like that he might wanna think about it) Is he hoping the lighting in the room is accenting his pectorals right? Is his girlfriend telling him she is in love with his father? Who knows. The best is still yet to come though

Ok now this guy.  This guy is a winner.  Between his Justin Bieber haircut and bad boy facial expression you know he is the torn soul of the show.  He was probably in some terrible accident that left him with those lovely bandages on his face.  But what is with the baby?  My guess is his wife had the child after his accident and no one knows who the father is.  Is it his? No way.  It's the doctor's or a teenager's? Is the mom addicted to 'the drugs'?  The fact that that child is clearly months old shows that the show couldn't budget in a newborn. That is probably literally the director's child. Also I love how he is staring into the camera in that first pic.  I mean he is giving it his all.  Good work Keifer Sutherland from Lost Boys, good work on that look.

One of my favorite things about Soaps are the outdoor scenes.  Lets put a bench and a tree in the shot.  That will make it look like it's outdoors right? Yeah absolutely except anyone watching this knows this is not outside like at all.  This is the farthest thing from outside.  It's inside.  It's on a set.  The set does not go beyond the frame we see.  That is literally all they set up. But points for effort.  Also these boys are either in love or fighting over a girl. Or both.

So try it.  It is the equivalent to reading the titles to romance novels in a bookstore.  It gives you a great laugh and because you never quite know what is going on it lets the imagination fill in so many blanks.

~TTP

Also Nathan Fillion was in a soap opera once so there is hope for everyone even bleach blonde car accident victim there.

The 20's

I was reading this article today a friend had posted on Facebook.  This article was referencing girls who were currently in college and girls who had graduated college in their 20s.  It was talking about relationships and whether girls these days should get into committed relationships while they are in and around college age.  I don't think the article in its whole represents me or my lifestyle but I did see a paragraph that really made me say "That's my life!" 

“Hypothetically, if I were to enter into a serious relationship with someone right now,” she said, “would I honestly say to them: ‘We’re going to spend two years in Philadelphia, and then with some kind of crazy luck I’m going to spend eight years somewhere else? And [who] knows what you would have been doing for the two years that we were still in Philadelphia — you either would have to up and leave with me, or we’d have to do a long-distance.’ That’s just too much to even ask anyone to commit to.”

This probably struck me a tad harder because I literally just picked up my whole life and moved across the country despite a few interests I may or may not have had in the last lovely place I lived.  There were a few times I might have been able to talk them into coming, they may have been able to talk me into staying, or the two of us might have been able to talk eachother into trying long distance crap (bet you can't tell how I feel about that one) but I just couldn't do any of those because like the girl quoted above that is just way too much pressure. No one wants to be in a relationship that could end with one or both parties saying, "I gave up everything for you and then you were more interested in your career than you were in me." That ain't cool. 

I think society is in a weird place right now. Like this article says the 20's are the time for building yourself: your career, your self respect, growing as a person.  Ok so I think I fit very well into this category. I struggle getting too committed because I worry what I might miss out on in my own life if I get too tied down. (yes this is an excuse for my current relationship status when the truth is I have a complete lack of allure and the guys I like always end up going for the leggy blondes #samreeves) I'm enjoying my 20's as a strong independent female with the entire world as a possibility as my future.  This isn't the most attractive quality for a guy ready to settle down.  How does this play out?  I think we're in a transitional period that could end with a lot of single folk.  Some people like me are so gung-ho about our careers saying love and relationships will come later but what happens when we are all 35 single with no prospects?  First of all, will that actually happen?  And second of all if it does happen is that a bad thing?

Everyone wants to be loved.  Everyone enjoys affection physical and otherwise.  It's nice to be thought about and nice to have a partner in your life who wants to spend time with you.  BUT is it really necessary?  Not in the religious 'neither the man without the woman nor the woman without the man' way just in the could you have a happy life here on earth without matrimony?

I don't have the answer to this? Just putting it into the universe. For now I do feel lucky for having an awesome job, fantastic friends, and a family willing to skype with me every Sunday.  My realy question is will it if that is all I have in 10 years will it still be enough?

Future Father's Day

I don't often post on my romantic life on this blog. Or if I do I delete it faster than wifi. I don't want to appear weak. I don't want people to view me as a person who sits around feeling sad and lonely that she doesn't have a man. I try not to be that person. I do, after all, have so many great things in my life. I have An amazing family, An awesome job, and friends that throw me into pools fully clothed because that is how much they love me.  There is no reason to take up my time or yours pondering if/when I will get married. That is not what this post is either. See yesterday was father's day. It is a day when we celebrate men. Me, being a woman and feminist, I don't often do this but yesterday was a little different for me.

Yesterday at work we covered a number number of father's day events. First we went to the aquarium where dads were free when accompanied by one other paying visitor. I went in and watched as dad's and their little girls and boys shared an ice cream, looked at fish and took pictures. We interviewed some dads about fathers day. We got a lot of answers. The dads loved their kids. They loved spending the day with their kids. Some said being a dad was the best job ever. I feel like society sometimes makes dads into the bad guys. In the media we see the comedic dad who drinks beer and messes up. We see the abusive father, the cheating husband, but this is not the real world we live in. Most Dads love spending time with their kids. They hug them and hold them and spend every moment protecting them in some form or another.

My dad has the best qualities a daughter could ask for. He is the typical dad in that he taught me how to ride a bike, how to gut a fish, how to set up a spring bar tent, how to ride a snowboard. And if that was it I would feel lucky. But he is more than that. My dad went to see the muscal Wicked with me and my sister. He sings and has brought music into my home since I was a child, doing numbers with his brothers. He helped me with my science projects, met and respected each guy I have dated, and made me breakfasts on the days I have been home from college. Most of all he has always been worthy to give me a fathers blessing. Having the priesthood in my home was more important than anything else.  So yeah when it comes to guys I am a little picky maybe. I mean, look at what they have to live up to.

So here it comes. Are you ready? I am abut to be that girl. Ok. I do want to get married. I really do. Not because I can't survive without a man or because I really want someone to hug and kiss (though that does cross my mind) but because I want my kids to celebrate fathers day. I want them to buy their dad presents and give him hugs and I want the face of pride that I saw on a lot of dads yesterday on my husbands face on that day. I want my husband to hold our baby in his arms like it is the most fragile perfect thing in the world like the guy who became a father yesterday did. We interviewed him and he could barely pull his eyes away from his little boy. I want that.

So yeah. I am being that girl for a few minutes. Don't judge me. Because dads are great and yeah so are men.

~Emily

Ps don't worry next post will be uber feminist.

Part of the Team

Well folks it has been about a month since I've arrived in Charleston, South Carolina.  What a month.  It has come with so many changes.  I've made friends, eaten southern food, OH and I saw this Turtle outside of my house today!

Ok moving on.  So I haven't talked about my job to ya'll as much as I would like to.  From the second I stepped into KSL back in my senior year of high school I knew this is what I wanted to do.  I love the adrenaline of breaking news, I love the kind of people that work in a news station.  It is basically the best.  It is also long and tiring and HOT! Not the best.  But when you combine them you get magic!

So I work for ABC News 4.  Officially it is WCIV.  I have a great group of people to work with. Today though, I had a realization.  I realized that after a few weeks of hard work I made it.  I think I've been initiated as part of the team.  Not as 'the new girl' or the young kid who doesn't know anything yet, but the girl who can do this job.  Let me explain.

Yesterday was an extremely long day.  To start I woke up at 5am to get to a shoot at 7.  The shoot went ok but I didn't get everything I needed and it got frustrating.  But oh well.  I didn't have time to worry about it.  So I went to church and then back to work.  At 11 I went out to shoot a nat pack and came back just in time to edit and make it to my next event, a Beer and Dogs event.  After that I headed 20 minutes out to a finale for a festival.  I got just enough video before heading back to the station to edit everything.  But I did it. And I even had some time to spare. To fill that time I volunteered to go to a River Dogs baseball game to shoot some highlight video.  It was after that that things got really interesting.

After shooting River Dogs it was about 7:30 and I was just about ready to call it a night when . . . Breaking news, 911 call requesting water rescue.  We got an address and I was out of there.  It was on John's Island, 30 minutes out.  I got to the scene just as police were arriving.  I immediately started shooting video.  I had only gotten about 13 shots when the family approached me and threw me off the property.  I didn't blame them, I actually had no idea I was on private property but respected their wishes and immediately left.  There was no reason to stay except to gather information.  I got a few details and headed back.  (PS that footage I got was the only footage gathered from any of the stations).

At about 9:30 I was once again finishing up and ready to head out when there was another 911 call.  This one was a fire out in Mt. Pleasant.  I headed out again and shot some video and grabbed a very quick interview.  It was about 10:15 before I left and I needed to get my video ingested and edited before the news at 11.  I got back to the station at 10:40 and quickly threw something together.  With a deep breath I looked at the time (11:00) and decided my day could officially be over.

So. The next morning I walked into the station, still a tad tired from my busy day.  The first person to approach me was Scott.  He is one of my bosses.  He told me I 'had achieved rockstar status'.  It was nice to achieve a little recognition for all the work I had done the night before.  Many people including the news director told me how much they appreciated all my work.  I even got a round of applause from the news team.  It felt really good!  But this was not the end to the craziness.

My reporter, Stacy was working on a story about an accident that occurred over the weekend.  Some firefighters and EMT workers were on scene of an accident when a drunk driver hit them head on.  it happened at 2am so we didn't have any footage but we were going to do a general story about worker safety.  We had an interview at 2:00pm and our story was going to be on the 7:00 news with a shorter story airing in the 6.  We had our work cut out for us.  While we were with the EMT workers we got an e-mail with the names and addresses of all the victims.  This made the time crunch worse because we were going to have to knock some doors to try to get an interview.  Except the EMT workers who were with us knew the EMT worker who was hit and gave us his number.  We called him and he was willing to talk to us.  We got a great interview.  So we arrived back at the station about 3:45.  Stacy quickly logged the video and I began editing.

About 5 I was all done with the VO/Sot and just waiting for the script for the package.  We were feeling prepared. But then we got copies of the dashcam footage from the scene.  It was really graphic, as in seeing people get hit head on by a car graphic.  We couldn't show some of it but there was a lot we could show.  This was the most recent stuff we had and wanted to lead with it.  So with an hour before air we had to get the footage from the disk to the drive, edit it and put together a new VO/Sot.  With minutes to air I was exporting.  But we did it.  This left an hour to edit an entire package.  I was stressing with a smile on my face.  Somehow with help from outside this world we got it done.  It turned out good too.  Take a look if you like.  I really like how it turned out. Especially considering the time crunch.

WCIV-TV | ABC News 4 - Charleston News, Sports, Weather
As stressful as it was it was the best too!  That is what this job is all about!  Deadline and killing it!  I'm having way too much fun.  I feel like I became part of the team after all this.  They like me, they know what I have to bring to the table!  It's a blast!