2am

Yeah, It's 2am and I'm awake, not really sure why I'm writing this post. If you read this it'll be at a decent hour, not 2am. Maybe you should stop and wait until it is 2am to read this. I think it will make a lot more sense. Ok see you in a few . . .


Ok is it 2am? Good. Geez I know that was a long time and your now so exhausted that you will probably fall asleep reading this midsenten-

Still awake? I'm so proud. Ok so all this post is going to be is a 2am confessional subtly talking about all the things I have, don't have, and want in my life. Some will make more sense than others.

Love. Isn't that always the way. A whiney girl talking about the fact that she's almost 80 (in mormon years) and not married? #mylife. It's fine though really I have lots of guys I like, that's pretty much the same thing right? Unless those guys won't give you the time of day or haven't quite noticed you exist yet. So you have two options right? Fight for said men or put all emotion and energy into work using it as the excuse for being as my friend would say 'forever alone'. (The irony is this said girl is no longer alone :))

Work. That promotion you just aren't getting, that compliment you are fishing for but won't come. That paycheck that just needs to come a few days sooner. The vacation days you never learned how to file for. That is work. But once in a while it's great.  I had a great night tonight.  I laughed and talked with coworkers.  I liked it. I didn't feel stressed.  I want more of those days. Getting there. Work is relatively good I just wish I didn't have to make mistakes to learn from them.

Friends. Guess what? I'm not a good friend. WHAT? I know you're all opposing to this crazy outlandish statement. Get it out, yell at the top of your lungs all the things you love about me.  Done? Ok I don't mean I'm not a good friend short term. That's what I'm good at. A couple months at a time but there has come a time with 90% of you that I've had my freak out. I get too close, I trust too much, one of us gets hurt and I shut down. It's my thing. 80% of you forgive me and we become semi awkward comfortable friends and the other 20% of you won't read this unless it's out of spite to find out if I'm miserable without you. I am. Sorry. I've done it to all of you even my best friend. Middle school was a rough time for our friendship but we still call each other every birthday because it wouldn't be the same if we didn't at least say hey. Love her to death!

Fiction. Tiiiiiiivaaaaaaa! Everything hurts. I'm done.

Ok I got it all out of my system and you're all asleep by this point unless you read this at a decent hour in which case you are insanely confused by at least one statement in the last 4 paragraphs. If you've made it this far you deserve something great.

Tina Fey awkwardly dancing. You're welcome

 I love you all readers! Now go to sleep, especially if it's not 2am cuz it is here and I'm doin laundry!