Story(s) of the Week: A Flood of Tears

I have a pretty fantastic job. I get to go out every day and experience something new. Sometimes it's not that great. Sometimes I am stuck at a meeting for three hours trying to stay awake and make my video somewhat interesting. Those are not necessarily fun days. But for every boring days there comes a day once in a while that is so awesome I have to remind myself it's real life. Basically I'm pretty lucky. I have tried to document these days through photos to Facebook or writing them in my journal but I think the best way to do it is on here. My goal is to write to you dear reader(s) about my favorite story of the week. Not about how I shot it or how I edited it but about the experience behind the camera, what I was feeling and thinking as I stood in the center of a situation.

Now normally I would be able to boil my week down and find one story that stands out but this week there were two stories that really stood out for completely different reasons. The first, is an emotional journey that every journalist and photographer has experienced I think, the other is just a fun story that I would have never experienced in Utah, my previous home.

To Lose a Son
When you think of the media, what comes to mind? Amazing artists? Kind hearted investigators? Probably not. To many people they think of the media as emotionless robots who knock on your door and demand interviews about things you don't want to talk about. They get in your face with a camera, waiting for a soundbite that will lead the newscast. Well if this is what you think, you are wrong. We are human, just like you. We feel loss and pain and we are very aware of the grief someone goes through when something bad happens. Our goal is not to exploit but to help memorialize a victim and bring wrongdoers to justice, to show what is wrong with the world so that someone will see it and get out of their abusive situation or say something when they see it in another person's life. This week, I participated in a story about homicide. Without going into details I'll say that this person was taken from his family too soon. We had the opportunity to speak with the family and interview the victim's father. As we walked into their home we were greeted with warm smiles which quickly turned to tears as we asked how they were holding up. The family was very kind and we took our time, not wanting to rush them into an interview. I saw how this death affected every part of their life. They weren't sleeping, they had mail stacked up, as hard as the death in itself was, it was only the beginning of what they had to deal with. As we eventually sat down and began to talk with the father he shared memories of his son's life. He talked about his death and how it was affecting the family. Then he said something that was the final straw for me. He said he was going to try to live his life more like his son did, because he looked up to him. He wasn't the only one with tears in his eyes in that moment. It was very clear to me in that moment how much this victim was loved and how hard his passing was on them. As someone who loves her family very much, I think that was the best way he could ever memorialize his son. It was a beautiful moment and I was grateful to share in the emotion of the moment. I believe that we are too often afraid to cry or show emotion. I cry all the time! When a friend leaves, when a moment hits me in a movie, when I feel heartbroken, or scared, or like in this case empathetic. To share in human emotion is a blessing. I was grateful for the experience I had with this family. The next time you look at the media please try to remember that we feel the same as you, if we are knocking on your door understand the reason we are there for a reason, not for the drama, but to help tell a story that we feel is worth telling.

Up to my ankles
My least favorite thing about Charleston is the bugs. Roaches the size of my big toe (shiver) I just can't deal. But my second least favorite thing is definitely the flooding. My first year here there were several rain storms. Downtown Charleston is crowded enough. Add in a few inches of rain at high tide and you are in a very sticky situation. Add in afternoon traffic and you will hide in a hole until the world is back to normal. Welcome to Wednesday afternoon. The rain started around noon and wasn't going to stop anytime soon, so my reporter and I decided to make the most of it. We grabbed the gopro and a couple of rain jackets and headed into the unknown. I had some sturdy rain boots and two layers of rain gear for the camera. I was not afraid of the elements. Have you ever stood in the middle of a straight downpour without trying to avoid it? It's amazing! I've seen people do it and always thought they were crazy. Suddenly it was my whole goal. The point of my day was to capture this storm. And capture I did. I put the GoPro on the bottom of the car, right next to the tires, even in the flood water as cars sprayed water everywhere. I stood in the flood waiting for cars to drive by. For three hours I WANTED it to rain. My passion for the story showed as I brought it back to the station and threw it together for the news. I'm sick now. Sore throat, most likely a cold I picked up from the storm. But was it worth it? Heck yeah!

2 Completely Different Lives

Two thousand one hundred and eighty-two miles. It seems and looks like quite a long way but in the words of Annie James, "Sometimes it feels much further". Those two thousand miles is what separate me from my home in Utah. I took the six hour flight last week to see my family and friends. I left South Carolina feeling older, excited to show how much I had grown up. I had expectations. But now as I reflect on that trip a week after getting back to Charleston, I realize something: I haven't changed at all.

Ok now I don't mean I haven't changed at all because I have. If you talked to me in college before I left then flew out here and talked to me you would see two very different people. My experiences have made me grow. My mistakes have strengthened me, made me made me harder, less penetrable. But what I realized when I went home was that the environment I left and walked back into was the exact same and therefore I turned back into the person I was. Heck, I could hardly tell anyone anything about Charleston because I was so far removed from the environment.

Those two worlds rarely overlap. The people I see and the things I do in each place don't have much to do with each other so I don't force it. As I returned to Charleston the switch I flipped was almost tangible. I flew down over the Cooper River and the people who were texting me were different, the home I returned to was different, my week was suddenly full of different problems and concerns that had nothing to do with Utah. I've hardly talked about my trip to anyone here in Charleston because let's face it, they don't care. It's a world they don't know anything about.

Part of this makes me sad because if I had the opportunity to share both worlds with someone it would make transitions smoother. I could talk about both worlds with someone who understands, who wants to hear about it. But I've been working on something lately. I want to work on living in the present. When I have expectations I am usually disappointed. What I hate the most is when plans are made. Big awesome beautiful plans that give you the happiest feelings in the world. Then those plans are suddenly cancelled. It makes me wish the plans weren't made at all. I can't be disappointed if I don't have expectations. I dunno, just a random tangent.

Anywho, so it really isn't bad to have two separate lives. I can have the part of me that is here in Charleston, and the part of me that lives in Utah. Both places are great, both have people who care about me and have struggles but both are who I am now.  I think what scared me was going home and feeling like I wasn't different. Like I had to be pulled back, but I don't. I grow, I'm different now. For better and worse, I am different.

2am

Yeah, It's 2am and I'm awake, not really sure why I'm writing this post. If you read this it'll be at a decent hour, not 2am. Maybe you should stop and wait until it is 2am to read this. I think it will make a lot more sense. Ok see you in a few . . .


Ok is it 2am? Good. Geez I know that was a long time and your now so exhausted that you will probably fall asleep reading this midsenten-

Still awake? I'm so proud. Ok so all this post is going to be is a 2am confessional subtly talking about all the things I have, don't have, and want in my life. Some will make more sense than others.

Love. Isn't that always the way. A whiney girl talking about the fact that she's almost 80 (in mormon years) and not married? #mylife. It's fine though really I have lots of guys I like, that's pretty much the same thing right? Unless those guys won't give you the time of day or haven't quite noticed you exist yet. So you have two options right? Fight for said men or put all emotion and energy into work using it as the excuse for being as my friend would say 'forever alone'. (The irony is this said girl is no longer alone :))

Work. That promotion you just aren't getting, that compliment you are fishing for but won't come. That paycheck that just needs to come a few days sooner. The vacation days you never learned how to file for. That is work. But once in a while it's great.  I had a great night tonight.  I laughed and talked with coworkers.  I liked it. I didn't feel stressed.  I want more of those days. Getting there. Work is relatively good I just wish I didn't have to make mistakes to learn from them.

Friends. Guess what? I'm not a good friend. WHAT? I know you're all opposing to this crazy outlandish statement. Get it out, yell at the top of your lungs all the things you love about me.  Done? Ok I don't mean I'm not a good friend short term. That's what I'm good at. A couple months at a time but there has come a time with 90% of you that I've had my freak out. I get too close, I trust too much, one of us gets hurt and I shut down. It's my thing. 80% of you forgive me and we become semi awkward comfortable friends and the other 20% of you won't read this unless it's out of spite to find out if I'm miserable without you. I am. Sorry. I've done it to all of you even my best friend. Middle school was a rough time for our friendship but we still call each other every birthday because it wouldn't be the same if we didn't at least say hey. Love her to death!

Fiction. Tiiiiiiivaaaaaaa! Everything hurts. I'm done.

Ok I got it all out of my system and you're all asleep by this point unless you read this at a decent hour in which case you are insanely confused by at least one statement in the last 4 paragraphs. If you've made it this far you deserve something great.

Tina Fey awkwardly dancing. You're welcome

 I love you all readers! Now go to sleep, especially if it's not 2am cuz it is here and I'm doin laundry!

There's No Save Point

Ok everyone it's time for a video game analogy. Now if you are into that hippy dippy X-station PS Wii nonsense I can't really help you out, but I think it's time to go back to Super Nintendo, maybe Super Mario World.

 So in Super Mario World there is a ghost house in the very beginning of the game.  It's insanely easy especially if you have a cape because you can basically fly through the entire thing.  After you beat a ghost house you can save.  Now whenever you get a game-over, you go back to the place you were when you saved.  It's common to save when you get low on lives or after you beat a really hard level.  There are so many different routes to take though that sometimes you will save right before you start one route and if it doesn't work out you can restart and take a different one.  Herein lies my genius analogy for the evening!

Don't you sometimes wish you could go back to your last save point in life? Pick a point and say, "ok this is when things were going really good, I'll go back there and do all this stuff a little differently." I sure do. I may go back to 10th grade.  Ah yes, those were the days.  No I'm kidding that's a lie.  I hated high school.  Loved my friends, hated high school.  Maybe I'd go back to 5th grade.  When I was in 5th grade I'd pretend to be Hawk from The Famous Jet Jackson.  I was a lonely kid so there was never anyone to actually play Silverstone but I'd imagine it and it was pretty much just as good. On the playground of Westland Elementary I learned how to play by myself.  My imagination was my best friend (my real best friend was always a grade older than me).

Perhaps I'd go back to high school when all I worshipped the ground my siblings walked on.  I wanted to live their awesome cool college lives! I wanted to be just like them.  I hadn't figured out who I was yet or what I wanted to do with my life. That didn't matter yet.  Maybe it was the perfect time.  I was home, close to them; something I really miss these days.

Maybe I'd go back to Freshman year in college.  I had some amazing friends then.  My friend Rachel literally wrote me a song! Check it out here. We had epic NCIS marathons that year and my roommate Lisa once tore my bed apart and spread it out throughout the apartment complex.  Glad the RA didn't ever find that one out.  That year I grew up and learned to be away from home.  I also learned how to live off a diet of Cheese its and Toast!

Or maybe I'd go back to my senior year of college and appreciate everyone a little more.  My amazing roommates who dealt with my fears of the future telling me I could do it.  My amazing parents supporting me in everything.

Maybe I'd go back to 2 months ago before I made a mistake that is still eating at me. Maybe I'd go back to 1 hour ago before I ok-ed someone to tell me something that hurt me a lot. Maybe I'd go back to two minutes ago before I wrote that or (deleted because I knew I'd regret writing this)

Ok well the point is there are no save points in life.  You can't go back. You can't undo what is done so you either fix it or get rid of it and move on. I don't know how to deal with the current dealings of my life.  I think it will work itself out though I don't know how yet.  All I know is I wish I were an italian plumber right about now.

Oh my Soaps

I'm gonna let you all in on an Emily Landeen secret love.  This is something that I find way to much joy in.  Lets set it up.  When I'm at work sometimes there is downtime. I work for a TV station so we have TVs everywhere and they are all programmed to  channel 4.  I am therefore always watching whatever is on.  The thing is there is no sound as it would distract from what we are supposed to be doing.  Ok so I'm sitting there watching daytime TV and you know what that means . . . Soap Operas.

Watching Soap Operas without sound is the most funny thing in the world. Now I could tell you why but I'm a visual person so I'm gonna give you some screenshots and discuss this.

Ah yes the dramatics.  How much time they probably spent making sure she showed the right expression.  And what is she talking about with doctor long-hair there (who totes looks like Rumple from Once Upon a Time right?)?  Does she secretly love him even though her husband is a patient in the hospital?  You see, no theory is too far-fetched with Soap Operas.  Maybe she is pregnant with a child but falling for her OBGYN? I mean I honestly don't know but I love theorizing. Moving on!

If there is one thing I have learned about Soap Operas it is that many men take their shirts off. Now earlier in this episode he was wearing a shirt. Where did it go?  Did they write it into the story or was the director just like, oh and now he's not gonna have a shirt on.  And again that expression.  Is he worried about his sexuality? (cuz with a haircut like that he might wanna think about it) Is he hoping the lighting in the room is accenting his pectorals right? Is his girlfriend telling him she is in love with his father? Who knows. The best is still yet to come though

Ok now this guy.  This guy is a winner.  Between his Justin Bieber haircut and bad boy facial expression you know he is the torn soul of the show.  He was probably in some terrible accident that left him with those lovely bandages on his face.  But what is with the baby?  My guess is his wife had the child after his accident and no one knows who the father is.  Is it his? No way.  It's the doctor's or a teenager's? Is the mom addicted to 'the drugs'?  The fact that that child is clearly months old shows that the show couldn't budget in a newborn. That is probably literally the director's child. Also I love how he is staring into the camera in that first pic.  I mean he is giving it his all.  Good work Keifer Sutherland from Lost Boys, good work on that look.

One of my favorite things about Soaps are the outdoor scenes.  Lets put a bench and a tree in the shot.  That will make it look like it's outdoors right? Yeah absolutely except anyone watching this knows this is not outside like at all.  This is the farthest thing from outside.  It's inside.  It's on a set.  The set does not go beyond the frame we see.  That is literally all they set up. But points for effort.  Also these boys are either in love or fighting over a girl. Or both.

So try it.  It is the equivalent to reading the titles to romance novels in a bookstore.  It gives you a great laugh and because you never quite know what is going on it lets the imagination fill in so many blanks.

~TTP

Also Nathan Fillion was in a soap opera once so there is hope for everyone even bleach blonde car accident victim there.

The 20's

I was reading this article today a friend had posted on Facebook.  This article was referencing girls who were currently in college and girls who had graduated college in their 20s.  It was talking about relationships and whether girls these days should get into committed relationships while they are in and around college age.  I don't think the article in its whole represents me or my lifestyle but I did see a paragraph that really made me say "That's my life!" 

“Hypothetically, if I were to enter into a serious relationship with someone right now,” she said, “would I honestly say to them: ‘We’re going to spend two years in Philadelphia, and then with some kind of crazy luck I’m going to spend eight years somewhere else? And [who] knows what you would have been doing for the two years that we were still in Philadelphia — you either would have to up and leave with me, or we’d have to do a long-distance.’ That’s just too much to even ask anyone to commit to.”

This probably struck me a tad harder because I literally just picked up my whole life and moved across the country despite a few interests I may or may not have had in the last lovely place I lived.  There were a few times I might have been able to talk them into coming, they may have been able to talk me into staying, or the two of us might have been able to talk eachother into trying long distance crap (bet you can't tell how I feel about that one) but I just couldn't do any of those because like the girl quoted above that is just way too much pressure. No one wants to be in a relationship that could end with one or both parties saying, "I gave up everything for you and then you were more interested in your career than you were in me." That ain't cool. 

I think society is in a weird place right now. Like this article says the 20's are the time for building yourself: your career, your self respect, growing as a person.  Ok so I think I fit very well into this category. I struggle getting too committed because I worry what I might miss out on in my own life if I get too tied down. (yes this is an excuse for my current relationship status when the truth is I have a complete lack of allure and the guys I like always end up going for the leggy blondes #samreeves) I'm enjoying my 20's as a strong independent female with the entire world as a possibility as my future.  This isn't the most attractive quality for a guy ready to settle down.  How does this play out?  I think we're in a transitional period that could end with a lot of single folk.  Some people like me are so gung-ho about our careers saying love and relationships will come later but what happens when we are all 35 single with no prospects?  First of all, will that actually happen?  And second of all if it does happen is that a bad thing?

Everyone wants to be loved.  Everyone enjoys affection physical and otherwise.  It's nice to be thought about and nice to have a partner in your life who wants to spend time with you.  BUT is it really necessary?  Not in the religious 'neither the man without the woman nor the woman without the man' way just in the could you have a happy life here on earth without matrimony?

I don't have the answer to this? Just putting it into the universe. For now I do feel lucky for having an awesome job, fantastic friends, and a family willing to skype with me every Sunday.  My realy question is will it if that is all I have in 10 years will it still be enough?

Future Father's Day

I don't often post on my romantic life on this blog. Or if I do I delete it faster than wifi. I don't want to appear weak. I don't want people to view me as a person who sits around feeling sad and lonely that she doesn't have a man. I try not to be that person. I do, after all, have so many great things in my life. I have An amazing family, An awesome job, and friends that throw me into pools fully clothed because that is how much they love me.  There is no reason to take up my time or yours pondering if/when I will get married. That is not what this post is either. See yesterday was father's day. It is a day when we celebrate men. Me, being a woman and feminist, I don't often do this but yesterday was a little different for me.

Yesterday at work we covered a number number of father's day events. First we went to the aquarium where dads were free when accompanied by one other paying visitor. I went in and watched as dad's and their little girls and boys shared an ice cream, looked at fish and took pictures. We interviewed some dads about fathers day. We got a lot of answers. The dads loved their kids. They loved spending the day with their kids. Some said being a dad was the best job ever. I feel like society sometimes makes dads into the bad guys. In the media we see the comedic dad who drinks beer and messes up. We see the abusive father, the cheating husband, but this is not the real world we live in. Most Dads love spending time with their kids. They hug them and hold them and spend every moment protecting them in some form or another.

My dad has the best qualities a daughter could ask for. He is the typical dad in that he taught me how to ride a bike, how to gut a fish, how to set up a spring bar tent, how to ride a snowboard. And if that was it I would feel lucky. But he is more than that. My dad went to see the muscal Wicked with me and my sister. He sings and has brought music into my home since I was a child, doing numbers with his brothers. He helped me with my science projects, met and respected each guy I have dated, and made me breakfasts on the days I have been home from college. Most of all he has always been worthy to give me a fathers blessing. Having the priesthood in my home was more important than anything else.  So yeah when it comes to guys I am a little picky maybe. I mean, look at what they have to live up to.

So here it comes. Are you ready? I am abut to be that girl. Ok. I do want to get married. I really do. Not because I can't survive without a man or because I really want someone to hug and kiss (though that does cross my mind) but because I want my kids to celebrate fathers day. I want them to buy their dad presents and give him hugs and I want the face of pride that I saw on a lot of dads yesterday on my husbands face on that day. I want my husband to hold our baby in his arms like it is the most fragile perfect thing in the world like the guy who became a father yesterday did. We interviewed him and he could barely pull his eyes away from his little boy. I want that.

So yeah. I am being that girl for a few minutes. Don't judge me. Because dads are great and yeah so are men.

~Emily

Ps don't worry next post will be uber feminist.