Muddy Buddies v. Men

The other night I was sitting at home with my roommate and we decided to have a night in.  Ok ok scratch that.  It was a Friday night and neither of us had dates.  We were forced into staying in so we decided to make the most of it.  Dominos and a movie seemed sufficient.  We discussed if there were snacks to be had during this movie and it both hit us like a double-decker bus: Muddy Buddies!  Chocolatey Peanut Buttery goodness that take like 15 minutes to make but satisfy you for a lifetime!  Our game plan was sound.  Hit Lees to pick up ingredients and order pizza over the phone so we could pick it up on the way to the Hastings to get the movie.  Under an hour and we were all set.

 So we made these Muddy Buddies while discussing the pathetic-ness of our lives as single students.  But as we sat down to watch this amazing movie (Flipped, rated PG I give it 3.5 stars.  A bit cheesy but great life lessons) I thought about how much better Muddy Buddies are than an actual man.  Now I'm not going to made a Ven-diagram or T chart as much as I'd like to.  I am simply going to explain that night with Muddy Buddies and you can draw your own conclusions.

When we were all ready and in our Cozy Wozies as I like to call them we grabbed our blankets and got ready to start the movie.  Knowing I was all set I went to the kitchen and got my muddy buddies out of the fridge.  Bringing them into the front room we settled down onto the couch.  They of course didn't mind that I needed to move around a bit to get comfortable. It took a few minutes until I found the right position but then I was comfortably watching the movie.

Now Muddy Buddies are sweet and delicious.  However there was a point when I had enough and wanted to put them to the side and simply watch the movie.  I needed to stretch out and wanted some personal space.  It wasn't that I didn't like the Muddy Buddies it was just that I had had enough . . .for now.  So I put them on the table and guess what?  They didn't take offense or try to come back they were just content to sit and wait until I was ready for more, which eventually I WAS!

At the end of the night I was tired and full.  I had enough Muddy Buddies for one night and was ready to say goodbye.  Rather than overstaying their welcome they simply let me put them in the fridge knowing that I would come back if/when I wanted some more.  I got to go to bed when I wanted and everyone was happy.    There was no definite commitment that I would want to share another occasion with my delicious treat we just lived in the moment and enjoyed the sweetness of life.

Now I know your rebuttal here:
-You are just sad that you don't have a sexy Hugh Jackman in your life.
-You are scared of commitment and need to learn to share your life.
-Give someone else your attention, it's not all about you.
-You got to eat a tasty treat but did you get to make out with a hot man that night?

To all this I respond: What are you talking about, I just like Muddy Buddies!

A Fresh Start

You know what sucks?  A lot of things actually.  Let's list a few just to be on the safe side.

-Being Sick
-Breaking up
-Getting behind in school
-Crying
-The Cold

Ok, now just so you all don't think I'm a crazy pessimist (sp?) let's list some good things:

-Sunshine
-Laughing
-Hot shirtless superheroes
-Fruit
-Addicting Music
-Posters of cats dressed up as the seven dwarves 

Ok, so now that I think I've balanced my life out a little, let me explain.  That first list is the consistence of my existence in the last four weeks.  (I'm not sure if I used consistence right here?  I've been out of skool 4 a wile).  Now I know what you are thinking:  Emily if you didn't want to be cold you shouldn't have gone to school in Logan, if you didn't want to get mono you shouldn't have been kissing that random hobo, and if you don't want to break up learn to be a healthy adult who doesn't run away from emotional connections.  Geez stop nagging me already, can I at least get a chance to defend myself?

It started back right after Christmas.  I was working approximately 40 hours a week at this lovely little TV station called KSL.  You might have heard of it.  Yeah I'm just going to let you soak that up for a sec, just like I soaked up all the germs in that lovely office.  Now, I love that place with my whole heart but it is a freakin incubator for germs.  I was using a different persons equipment every day, using the phones, the GPS, the cameras (once again I'm boasting for dramatic emphasis), their wireless microphones, their sweet light kits, you know all that snazziness.  So one day I was not feeling so good but you know it's flu season so I don't really think to much of it.  Suddenly I am freakishly tired like every day.  For a person who prides herself on all night marathons this was a bit off. But, hey I was working a ton so maybe it's just that.  My eyes are also insanely swollen.  I looked like I got pepper sprayed.  But hey I sleep so much maybe it's just a bad combination of work and sleep.  I push through it working as much as I possibly can.  Finally I resign to that evil man in a lab coat they call a "doctor".  Two eye infections.  Gee thanks.  Still I'm exhausted.  My eyes unswell a bit but not back to normal.  I look like an old man.  You know how as they age the bottom lids of their eyes start puffing out.  Well that was Emily Landeen to a tee.  It was disgusting.   So fine I will go to another doctor.  After explaining all the symptoms I was told I had a sinus infection.  Ok bring it on.  Sure.  What the heck.  So I got new antibiotics and was sent home.

So I moved up to school feeling pretty disgusting but with hope that I may start feeling better.  Guess what? I didn't. No, in fact I felt worse.  I woke up the first day of school wanting to kill myself.  I made it to class, barely, then was sent home.  So I figure ya know what?  These doctors are getting paid for something, let's go wait an hour an a half in the InstaCare.  Yeah that sounds like a great use of my time.  I watched an episode and a half of "Switched at Birth" in the waiting room and I'm sorry but just not my type of show.  I mean it's ABC Family to start and I just do not see the appeal.  Ok back to my sicky state.  So finally these doctors were going to do some tests.  We did strep first then Mono.  And sure enough it was Mono!  Now upon first glance I was almost, how to say this appropriately, excited?  Mono is kinda a famous one.  Like, you get to sleep all the time, and you get a cool rep because it means you've been kissing, I was feeling kinda cool.  Bonus: They gave me a pink bandage from where they took the blood; always a plus.  So I got home, found a very kind person who drove to my house to give me a blessing and gave me some company.  Who knew it would be the only real company I would have for the next three weeks.  I've been soakin in for all it's worth.  I went to bed after e-mailing all my teachers and the next morning was Hell.

Now I have my own vision but I'll let you pick your own.  Imagine the worst torture scene you've ever seen in a movie (or in real life for all my Navy SEAL followers), it was worse.  I felt like someone had reached down my throat with a syringe and filled my tonsils to their limit with acid.  That's as descriptive as I'm gettin.  I couldn't move, I couldn't eat, I didn't even know what day it was.  Finally after a few days (I honestly couldn't tell you when) my lovely mother and brother picked me up.  I wasn't gettin any better at school and had completely lost track of when I last took drugs.  If the pain came I'd pop 4 more painkillers.  I got home and slept.  That's pretty much it, I just slept.  I dreamed about Narnia and Middle Earth, part of me still believes I was actually there for a time.  I would wake up, drink some food and go back to sleep.  This was my life for a week.  Then slowly I could move.  I could make it from my room, to the front room without taking a break half way.  I was healed!  I hurriedly grabbed my stuff and moved back to school!  Fun fact about Mono, just because your tonsils aren't twice their normal size and you can open your eyes doesn't mean your better. I went to one day of work and classes and I was back down.

Long story short I'm still here.  Still sick.  Still hating every second of my existence.  Ok that is untrue.  I am inside all the time.  I've made it to two classes this semester.  My teachers are great though and next week I should be back at 100%.  Let me make two more comments and then I'll get to my point I promise.

During this first round of Mono I didn't know what I had.  I was tired all the time.  That was about it.  New Years Eve was a bust, I fell asleep at 6:30pm.  Now I'm not going to get into my relationship and the break up but I'll say that Mono didn't help.  When you are trying to be a good employee, a good sister, a good daughter, and a good girlfriend and you get that sick, the things that can break usually do.  I'm not saying it wasn't right or that it wouldn't have happened if I was as healthy as a (name of animal that is healthy here) but Mono definitely didn't help.  Also I came back to school and it was so dang cold!  What the heck?  It is seriously like -13 degrees all the time.  So hating my life on that account too.  Ok so if you are still reading this (and I don't know why you would be, it's like the most depressing post ever) let's talk about me now, the post mono, single, person writing this post when I should be still recovering and sleeping.

I feel like this Mono thing changed me in a lot of ways.  I don't just mean my appetite (I don't like Cheeze-its anymore, it's a sad day) but a lot of things have changed. I think I appreciate simple things like walking, and talking, and opening my eyes.  When you lose things and feel like you are going to die, you start to count your blessings.  You realize the people in your life that are going to be there for you no matter what.  You know who you can rely on to help you out and who is ultimately going to leave you in your darkest hour.  Some amazing angels heart-attacked my door at college.  I didn't even realize they were thinking of me.  My roommates checked up on me, my mom babied me and nursed me back to health.  My wonderful sisters knew I couldn't hardly talk so they would IM me on facebook when they wanted to chat.  People prayed for me and called to check up.  I felt the love of pretty much everyone.  It was amazing.  I really want to live every day trying to be a better person.  I want to learn how to be more healthy, physically and emotionally.  I want to understand my wants and needs better.  I'm excited to do this.  I want to care for others the way I have been cared for in the last few weeks.  I want to do service!  I have a lot of work to do but I hope to do it healthy and Mono free.  I made two lists at the beginning of this post.  One was all the crappy terrible things that had happened to me in the last week. The second is all the fun happy things I've experienced in the last few days.  The good is always better than the bad.

My life is better than yours

As a new year begins I like to think about everything I've accomplished over the years.  I am only 22 years old so that isn't very much but I like to think there are a few things that I can be proud of whether I've done them myself or they have just happened.  Growing up isn't easy.  The moment I realized I couldn't sit on the couch playing video games and watching Justin Bieber music videos forever was indeed a sad day.  It occured in the future actually.  Probably sometime in the summer of 2013.  As for where I am right at this moment, well I am doing ok but I realize I have a lot of work to do.  Anyway Here is a short sweet list of 22 accomplishments of the last 22 years of my life.

22) Was born nuf-said.

21) Was alive for the gloriousness that was N'sync, One Direction: Suck it.

20) Got a free cupcake for being the one millionth customer at a pizza shop in Disney world.

19) Met some of the cast of Harry Potter, LOTR, Star Wars, and X-men

18) Believed in a lie about my wonderful Cat, "Shadow" for 16 years.  Yeah 'went to a nice farmer' my eye.

17) Flirted with a hot brown boy on the beach while on a get-a-way in San Diego.  That. Happened.

16) Read Pride and Prejudice

15) Fell in Love

14) Got my heart brutally broken (Do those cancel each-other out?)

13) Found Woman Empowerment through Songs by Florence + The Machine and things created by Joss Whedon

12) Completed 8th grade

11) Watched 5 seasons of the Office during one summer, consuming waaay too many Otter Pops with my Brother.

10) Memorized every great sexual tension moment between 'Tiva'.

9) Made a three and a half hour love montage which I have watched over a dozen times.

8) Held one of those huge checks with the number $5000 on it.  It was for . . . . My school but they got it because of me.

7) Caught 7 fish on one fishing trip when I was 7 years old

6) Consumed 10 boxes of Cheese-It Duos in less than a week.

5) Memorized the lyrics to Super Bass.  Not. Easy

4) Beat the entire Lion King game on Super Nintendo.

3) Worked for KSL TV News (Including flying in a Helicopter, small airplane, getting high off Marijuana (don't ask))

2) Over my four years at college I've made some amazing friends who I wouldn't trade for anything!  Unless you offer me Hugh Jackman . . . uhduh.

1) If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. - Mother Teresa
 . . . . Let's face it anything I put here was going to sound inadequate

It hasn't been easy. There has been blood, sweat, tears, bruises, fights, puke, hugs, cancer, the Holocaust, and that's just number 12.  So let's face it, I'm not far from being perfect.  A day, or two, maybe three.  If I don't show up one of these days it just means I have been translated.  I have some work to do but I like who I am.  I like what I've done with my life so far and I'm excited to look towards the future

From Winter Wonderland to Disgusting Murky Hell

Christmas is literally magical.  I'm not talking about the kind of magic that brings warmth and kindness into our hearts and makes us want to give change to needy children in the cold.  I mean that The days between November 25th and December 25 have some weird sparkly dust in it.  It's like we all get brainwashed in those days but the minute those days are over somewhere during the time we are all sleeping on Christmas night the Christmas magic disappears.  Let me explain.

Scenario: A snowstorm.

Example one: December 21st.  It's been a long day at work.  You are all ready to go home and you're very tired and a little stressed.  You walk outside to see the snow gently falling from the sky.  You smile as one small snowflake falls onto your nose and melts.  You turn on your car as the song "Silver Bells" comes on over the radio.  The lights in the city are sparkly as the snow glistens in the sky.  The night smells like joy and the air is crisp.  The feeling of Christmas is with everyone.

Example two: December 26th. You wake up with a stuffy nose.  How the heck did that happen.  The whole day of Christmas all you did was stay inside and watch movies.  How is it possible you got a cold.  Still you have to go to work.  You turn on the morning news to find out that it snowed all night.  It also got below freezing so now all the roads are frozen over with ice.  There are already a few cars sliding off the roads and traffic is worse than ever.  You walk outside in the snow and start cleaning off your car. The snow is perma-plaqued onto your window to the point where you are looking out the wee bottoms of your windows because you've given up trying to scrape it all.  You turn on the radio to hear classics like 'Maybe I like it' and 'One more Night'.  Nothing brings a happy feeling like fornication and adultery!  Car horns and screeching tires fill up the air.

How does that happen?  How does one day change everything?  It's like night and day.  It goes from Let it Snow, Mr. Snowman to Make it stop you evil man also known as Frost Bite!  I think we need a smoother transition.  Maybe we should try to get the radio stations and tv stations to keep playing all the cheesy music and movies for a little longer.  No chances are we would all get so sick of it in a day.  Maybe we need to create a new Holiday in January where we all get time off work and are required to go play in the snow for a day.  That might help.  I dunno but I do know that right now I'm sitting at work and people have come in tired, grumpy and cold whereas two days ago they've come in with Holiday spirit up the whazoo.

Living vicariously through the stories around me

Today was a good day.  You may think this is because I nailed that still life depiction  in Drawing 1 (can I draw a stool with a cone and potato on it? heck yeah) or maybe because it's 5:56 and I'm home from school for once in my life but it's not either of those.  It's because I got to hear the drama of not one, not two, not three, but four good people's love lives today.  I enjoy these moments so much! Some more than others depending on the person.  But today I heard some quality stuff.  After about the third person, my friend had overheard and awakened me of how much satisfaction I get out of these tales of love, passion, and at times sadness.  I've begun to evaluate the why of this predicament and decided to share my findings.  Here we go.

TV, Duh.  I grew up on shows like Boy Meets World.  Let's just talk about how many times Cory and Topanga broke up and got back together.  Let's think about the time when Cory kissed gross Lauren even though he loved Topanga and how it took her kissing another hot ear-pierced artist to get her to realize her love for Cory.  Let's talk about how they had an adorable friendship for a few seasons before they got together and in the meantime he dated some other girl that totally wasn't good enough (even though I loved TK).  I even learned my fair share from

Even Stevens and Power Rangers.  Louis and Tawny were great friends until they professed their love in the form of home video (do I plan to do this someday? yes) and I'm still sure that Jason (red ranger) and Kimberly (pink ranger) had a thing.  They also worked together which brings me to the next thing I learned from TV.  If you are forced to spend at least 4 out of the 7 days of the week together you are obviously getting married.  Jim and Pam, Castle and Beckett, Tony and Ziva, I could honestly go on and on.  I have learned how to seduce men through work relationships.  Sometimes it's through favors like bringing them coffee everyday just to see a smile on their face.  Other times it's through being able to talk all through work and then seeing Pam go home to her stupid fiance Roy who doesn't even appreciate her.  Sometimes it's saving them from the deserts of Somalia (while I have never done this one specifically you get the metaphor).  Any way you look at it, working together always leads to marriage, unless your Tobey.  But why do I get so much satisfaction from these stories?  I mean you've gotta be wondering, "Doesn't this girl have anything better to do with her day than listen to stories?


Well technically it's what I do with my day as my aspirations are to become a Broadcast Journalist.  I adore listening to stories.  If those stories are about the people closest to me, even better.  I especially love, love stories.  If I listen to a story from a guy every day for a year and that ends in marriage it's like the best thing of my life!  My good friend Katie and I made a Love Montage a couple years ago.  Three and a half hours of the most heart-wrenching love stories from chick flick movies like Runaway Bride, to the classic action tv show '24'.  I have watched this masterpiece probably about 20 times which means I have literally watched 70 hours of love.  But besides that point I do it to learn and grow.  If it's a cute guy I am talking to it's always a plus to know that (blank) is what cute guys look for in girls.  I'm a single girl in my twenties after all. More than that it's just fun to get inside the male brain for a minute.  It's like New York City: It's crowded and different and I don't care to live there but it's nice to visit and man if looking at it from the outside isn't gorgeous. If your a girl I don't really have that incentive.  I do like my romantic partners like I like my letters: in male form.  When giving advice to girls I love pushing the whole "strong independent woman" ideals.  There is only one way to get over a guy who treated you like garbage.  We've all peed on our share of men's yards haven't we girlfriends.  If not give it a try, it's most satisfying.


I'd like to finish this up with showing how helpful I could have been to a few friends in the past if they had only let me help: Ahem . . .

Ok Brad now I know you did a little movie entitled: Mr. & Mrs. Smith and I know that was such a fun time with your lovely long-legged co-worker Anjolina Jolie.  I get it I do but come on man.  Think.  After that skin goes wrinkly and that figure goes away all you're going to be left with are a couple black kids whose life will probably be made into a TV series like Tia and Tamera Mowry.  Nobody wants that.  What do you have now?  You've got Jen.  Jen loves you!  She has done several roles with several extremely attractive men and she hasn't run off with them.  She's a natural beauty and will age well.  Her proportions may not be Laura Croft style but she will make you happy.  Don't be stupid.


Hey there R-Patts, how ya doin? Now I know that they offered you this big role in the new Twilight film.  I get it, I do.  Money, actors, teenage fan-girls up the wazoo.  But let me just warn you now brother, it is NOT gonna end well.  This girl Kristen Stewart?  She's got a dark secret that no one knows yet.  It's burried deep in her death trap of a heart.  Are you ready, here it is. . . she's boring.  She literally has no interesting characteristics. Facial Expressions, nada. Her main talent is how many times she can blink her eyes. You can do better dude. Pass up this role, do some BBC; it's up and coming I promise.






So you're thinking of dating Miley Cyrus.  Hm . . . never give her your address.  Ok nuff said.








But probably the top reason we all console the men folk comes down to one simple reason: We all want what we can't have.  What is more irresistible than a guy telling you his love life.  It's the only time a guy is ok with being vulnerable.  It's cute and shows they do have a heart past the whole football lovin, Chuck Norris watchin stuff men always talk about.  You know he is not going to leave this girl for you and you probably wouldn't even want that.  It's just fun to play with that idea that he sees you as something, even if that is no more than a friend.  And yet you can still walk through the streets of London singing "On My Own" and then someday die in his arms (or maybe that was Les Mis, I get confused).  They're nice, you want them to be happy and if that isn't with you, you might as well find a way to make yourself an asset to their life right?  Another TV moment: How many times have we seen the consoling opposite sex friend who later marries the character? Um too often my friends, me too.

You're 21. Get Married.

As I begin a new school year I have been wondering what would be appropriate to say about college life.  This year is quite a bit different for me.  I thought through the topics of things I could write about.  Well I'm a Broadcast Journalism major so I could talk about why I chose that particular vocation.  I have a new adorable baby niece so I could write about how she is the angel of my life and I am so very excited to watch her grow up with her amazing parents.  I could talk about how there are only two weeks until the new season of NCIS starts and how the writers have apparently started reading the crazy fan mail I've been sending them resulting in finally getting Tony Dinozzo and Ziva David together.  All of these are fun, full of the things I love, and completely stress free.  But as I thought about what is the biggest part of my life at this, the 21st year of my life as a senior at Utah State University and as I met with the bishop today to discuss callings and all that jazz there was only one topic that kept coming up over and over again.  Marriage (enter eye role and exhausive grown . . . here)  Ok people yes. I'm writing one those posts.  The ones when the world is attacking me for being 21, a senior, and not married.  Now I know many of my followers are out of state (haha as if I have followers ;)) so I must first explain things to you the way of world inside of Utah.  It's very long and complicated but I'll try to explain it simply.  OK here we go.

If you are a single college aged person, especially but not limited to a girl, you are insane, chastised by every bishop, mocked by every married couple, and metaphorically kicked in the shin by every beautiful busty blonde out there.

Yup that pretty much sums it up.  See for some reason, time for Latter Day Saints is different than the rest of the world.  I don't know when it happened.  Could have been the polygamy years, or when BYU was created.  If we aren't married by 30 we are automatically spinsteresses.  I won't get too far into that particular word as I've done a whole post on that part of it but we do get more pressure to get married earlier.  Whatever the reason it is sure getting annoying to be a college student.  I graduate in a few months and if I'm not married there is a good chance I will be rejected from my community much like Kovu was during The Lion King 2.


You see what he went through?  I can't handle that.  The problem is that even if I reject the world and go Kovu style I likely won't have my love follow me into the wilderness and sing "Love will find a way" like Kovu and Kiara. You see LDS culture isn't like the world.  The idea of 30 flirty and thriving isn't as true.  We don't go out to bars and clubs and drink.  I'm not saying this is a bad thing because I really have no desire to do so but that is how people meet in the world.  In our culture we have something quite a bit different but just as affective.  It's called singles wards.  Stick 190 awkward young adults and 10 not awkward young adults in a community together and let them play never have I ever for an hour and everyone will apparently find their soul-mates.  I'd say it is all lore but I've seen proof so whatevs.  So basically I've got  8 months to fall in love and get married or my life becomes Golden Girls (which wouldn't be the worst thing in the world).

I think I'm like Britta from Community.  Britta dates all the wrong guys.  Some are full of themselves, others literally have no shame.  I don't know if I do this on purpose or not but they are either emotionally or physically unavailable.  It may be my commitment issues coming to a front but I think I'm cursed.  Maybe I did a love potion in a past life that backfired in this life.  I think that's a lot more likely.  Someday I'll probably meet a boy who is my age, graduating, zero commitment issues, living exactly where he needs to, oh yeah and interested in me and I'll implode because I can't find something to stop.  I've been trying to decide what to do.  Here are my top choices





- Become a nun.  I say this for two reasons.  First of all it writes off all men which would be great.  Second I could sing great songs like in Sound of Music.  Third I could find myself a Captain Von Trap.  He does have some emotional baggage with a dead wife and all and control issues but it's a start.

- Male through Mail.  Order a husband.  I mean then I could stay single as long as I wanted and then when the time is right I just send for him.  The biggest flaw with this is that I would want the body of Hugh Jackman and the brain of Mr. Darcy (actually I'll take his body too).  This combination is probably unlikely.






- Stay single.  Nope I like men too much.  I want marriage, family, the whole thing, I just want things to work without any problems.  I know it's unrealistic but I had to say it.  I don't want the Wonder Years.  I just want simplicity.






Ok in all reality I know whatever is supposed to work out will, in it's own time frame.  Maybe distance doesn't matter, maybe dating a wardy isn't as deadly as it's been in the past.  Maybe opposites don't attract and it's better to find someone so much like you it's almost creepy.  Maybe he'll finally talk to me, maybe it's better to focus on my career right now.  Maybe my life will become a Jane Austin novel but until then I'm going to just focus on having fun with no regrets!  Emily out!

Labor Day Weekend: Thunderstorms, Fishing, Moose and More

For as long as I can remember Labor Day in my family has been about one thing: fishing.  Since I was a wee child the lovely Uinta Mountains home to Teapot Lake has been my vacation location.  When I was eight I caught seven fish on one trip, something that I gladly bragged about to my second grade class.  I remember eating gummy bears and scrambled egg sandwiches on the lake, going out in the canoe with Dad, occasionally taking a nap in the shade of a tree.  This trip changed slightly a few years ago when Mom and Dad bought some property up Ogden Canyon.  It is in a place called Sourdough Ranch.  It's a simple place where you can't even build a cabin, but we've never been a family that looks for much luxury in our camping.  All we need is a tent, a sleeping bag, and of course a place to fish.  The lake at Sourdough is stocked with trout.  Some days we have the best luck and catch our limit within an hour.  Other days we can go all day and not catch a thing.  It's never really been about what we catch though.  It's about how much fun we can make it.